Refocus...

Often when I feel I'm veering off track, I refocus with strict black and white lines. I'm harsh on what I do and have a "take no prisoners" attitude. Burn out from this kind of refocusing comes quickly. I fall back into bad habits with a sense of comfort in mind, and I drift to the wayside once more.

As we prepare for the birth of our second son, I'm realizing what I haven't been doing with our first. God calls me to train Judah up in His ways (Eph. 6:4). To teach him diligently and talk with him about the matters of God daily (Deut 4:6-7). Lately, I've had a good day if I was consistent with him in discipline, not even getting close to in depth conversations. I find it hard to focus on Christ in my daily grind. Instead, my mind is churning out the next to-do, what needs to get done each day, and how I can incorporate some fun for Judah a midst it all. But where's my focus? I'm Martha in the kitchen and not Mary at Jesus' feet (Luke 10:38-42). But I can't stop what I'm doing. I can't push aside all dishes and laundry, letting the house and child my husband entrusted to me while he's in class become buried and neglected. How can I change my focus to a Christ-centered life without throwing the toddler out with the bathwater?

The Proverbs 31 woman (found in Proverbs 31:10-31) does it all. She's a diligent worker for her household. She's praised by her husband and children. She's intelligent, frugal (but generous), and careful (but not unwilling to stick her neck out). But why is she all these things? What is her foundation that causes her to be fruitful in all she does? "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" (vrs. 30). She fears God. She is generous because she knows God has given her much and calls her to give of herself to others. She's wise with her possessions and household because God calls her to good stewardship. She doesn't worry about the future because she trusts in the Lord to care for her and her family. She is the focused housewife, and she is called a rare jewel because of it.

In my mind, she does it all without stopping idly because she's focused on God DURING it all. For example, I wash dishes 3+ times a day. Takes me 10 minutes or less (depending on the meal). What if, instead of idly letting my mind wander or even letting it complain about the chore, I sang psalms? What if while I ironed instead of grumpily thinking Joe wears too many button-down oxfords, I thought over that week's sermon? What if while I went up and down the steep basement stairs doing laundry I reminded myself of memory verses that remind my heart of the reason I should have joy in suffering? When I go to my bi-weekly NST's (non-stress tests/aka fetal monitoring) what if I prayed in the car or in the recliner they put me in? My heart would be ready. It would be guarded and at peace when times of trial come. And I would continue to work, to enjoy time with Judah (and soon his brother too!), and still run a tight ship. I would be ready with verses when loved ones ask for counsel. I wouldn't feel like an impostor when I come to bible study seemingly steeped in the Word when really I just worked on it yesterday. My worn bible would be a little more lovingly worn and my Psalter would stop looking new and have water-stains on it from being too close to the sink when I was washing dishes. Judah would understand a bit more as he grows what makes mommy tick instead of me assuming he understands it all.

This kind of refocusing is joyful, and doesn't burn out quick like a firecracker. It doesn't leave room for guilt because I didn't get my 10 minutes with God today cause I chose to do laundry during naptime. God is eternally with me. I can't just come to Him whenever I feel like it because God is EVERYWHERE at ALL TIMES. I can't place Him in a keepsake box and take Him out when I have time and put Him back in when I'm done so I can work. He is in my work. He is in my actions. When I call myself a Christian, I am an ambassador for the Lord in ALL that I do, even if I don't leave the house that day. So, I need to refocus, but not in a harsh legalistic way. This refocusing is one that lets God seep into all matters of my life, so that like a tree by the river I am fruitful because I fear and trust in the Lord (Psalm 1:3).