Often by the third trimester, most women (I won't say this for all) have given in to the desire to "nest". To make one's home ready for the little one that's on the way. With Judah, I cleaned out closets, organized the medicine closet to make room for baby stuff, and laundered all his clothes just in an effort to get ready for our first. When Judah came home, we had just had a baby shower the day we went into the hospital. Presents were still in packages, things unorganized, and the kitchen table covered. I'll admit. I cried. After all that prep, and a long WEEK in the hospital (Judah had jaundice that kept us there 2 extra days), I was overwhelmed that the hospital would allow us to bring this sweet sleeping babe into what I then considered a heap (a vacuumed heap, but a heap none the less).
Levi, I was determined would be different. Since Judah was a c-section, Levi was a planned one. I had the apartment cleaned from top to bottom for my parents staying with our little man while we were gone. I redid Judah's room to fit a crib and made it into a map-themed adventure room for two little boys to explore and discover together in. Pulled out the 0-3 month stash of boys clothing and even had the diaper area ready. Along with the corner of our own room readied for the next 3 months that he would sleep with until he slept well enough through the night. Ready! But when Levi came home, and my parents left after a short visit, and Joe went back to classes and finals (just across the street)... I didn't even know what to do with TWO kids. It took 4 months or more to finally figure out a routine that didn't make me feel exhausted at the end of the day.
Lesson learned? You might think I'm reaching, but this is what I've found as we wait for baby girl to arrive. This isn't my nest. With both boys I was SO focused on making sure everything earthly was ready. Not that that is wrong, to ready oneself for the revealed plan that the Lord has laid before you. But how much of that time was I focused on praying for readiness? Praying for endurance? Searching the scriptures for what I really needed to bring those boys into the world (whether naturally or by man's hand/scalpel?)?
Jesus rightly reminds me in John 15:19(b) "...but you are not of this world, but I chose you out of the world." This isn't my home. Matthew 6 puts it in a different way. That we aren't to place all our treasures here on earth "where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal." Where are our treasures to be? "Lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matt. 6:20-21). So when I'm overly worried, and let's face it, pregnancy hormones don't help, where is my heart? For me, I'm focused on things. Diapers, clothes, crib bedding, etc. It's not that it's wrong to prepare for the child to come (you're gonna be in a bit of a pinch if you don't). But if it's your only focus, and all happiness rides on your readiness, misery follows.
For little girl, God has taught me this with a hard lesson. I can't nest. I want to! Don't get me wrong. But the corner of our room is all I have because we're moving to I don't know where the month after she's born. Not that I'm doing nothing. Lovingly handed-down clothes are being laundered, her area is being set up. I even sewed a couple things for her and her corner. But the Lord has kept my mind on Him. I'm not ready for 3! I only have 2 hands! But the Lord placed a strong desire for our third on our hearts, and we listened willingly. With her, I find myself studying the Word to see what strong godly women God talks about that I can tell her stories of. I pray for her more than I ever did for the boys in utero (don't tell them that haha). Not just for her growth, but her heart. Has it really taken 3 children for me to finally get a tiny grasp on what it means to nest in a godly manner? Is this the kind of nesting the Proverbs 31 (verses 10-31) woman would have done?
With her, I'm not worried. God is sovereign. He knows what I need (Matthew 6:31-32) and what our family of now 5 needs. He knows I can't pack my tiny freezer full of ready-made dinners for our first month after her arrival. And He knows that I'm not looking forward to another c-section. But what does He ask of me in the midst of all the crazy hormonal worries that pregnancy (or unfaithfulness) bring on? "...seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you" (Matt. 6:33). And what is His promise if I obey? If I lay all my anxiety on Him and seek Him? "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." A peace that transcends all understanding? I'd say I'd feel ready for twins with that.