We Stand United

As I scroll through my Facebook feed, I'm always struck by the different blogs (not all but some) that I've liked since becoming a wife and mom. Now... I'll give this disclaimer that it's not every blog I follow. I have good friends whose blogs are amazing testimony of God's work in their lives. And I'll also say that I am a sinner in need of Christ just like every person on the globe. And a third disclaimer: this is not meant for those in truly biblically troubling relationships. For those who need the help of others because of the downward turn of their marriage. But it is meant for the everyday. 

That said, I'm tired. Truly exhausted by even seeing yet another article, blog post, or quick note shaming husbands. They are always quick witted and make you surprised that actual men exist somewhere that do these ridiculous things. And while I know that husbands too are sinners, and that they do things differently than mommy, where is the respect? Where is the love shown to him, even in written words? Why are they the silly sidekick in most mom blogs? 

Early on in our marriage, Joe and I learned the need for communication. We had both seen and experienced the effects of bad communication within the covenant bond. For the first 6 months I held back anger, emotions, and other things because I didn't want to hurt the "happy" union between me and my new husband. I wanted the "perfect" marriage, with no disagreements and no issues. What I made for myself was a marriage filled with grumpiness and miscommunication which caused more issues. Both Joe and I will say the first year of marriage was the hardest. But in that trial, we saw what God was teaching us. The intense need of intimate communication between husband and wife. 

"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:22-33

How can that be done without communication? Without respect (note that God commands it of the wife here)? Without love? Without giving of oneself (see 1 Corinthians 6-10 for more on that)? And granted, if you're a mom, you give all day to the kiddos. And then the hub comes home and you are asked to give to him to. Many women, including myself, have been burned out on the giving giving giving until they collapse into tears or at minimum a hot bath at 11pm when all is quiet. Because who are we truly giving to? If to man, it'll be miserable. There will be disappointment and frustration. Entitlement will seep in. But if we give ourselves to God, we'll see different fruit mixed in with our ever-constant sin. Patience will slowly take over our frustration. Love will take over our disappointment. Humility our entitlement. Peace our anger. Gentleness our quickness to use our tongue to hurt instead of encourage. Self-control will in time replace our impulsiveness. 

As years passed, other things were taught us by beloved friends who discipled us with God's word. But the most important thing that I learned before we left for seminary was to guard my husband. That little comments that I say about him in front of others effects how he is viewed by them. And while those comments still pop up in my head from time to time, I hold my tongue. Because I desire my husband to have not just my respect, but others. Why do they need an account of how my husband has failed this week? Must his wrong doings be publicized so that he is shamed? Do I need to to hold my husband to MY standard more than God's? 

All this to say, I stand behind my husband. In good times and in bad. In sickness and in health. For richer and for poorer. Until death parts us. We are a team. When we made a covenant before God and witnesses, we became one. He's not my sidekick. He's my leader. He's not a goof any more than I am. If he makes mistakes, the world doesn't need to know. We've talked about it. We've worked through and around it. We stayed as one flesh. He is my beloved and I am his, even on days when we wonder why we married each other. We are a team. When one teammate falls, the other picks them up and helps them continue on. 

Please, wives. Love you husbands. Stand behind them as their helpmeets and love them with a Christian love. And let the world see this and marvel at your joy in the Lord and ask you why you are so different from the rest of the world. Because you have an intense love for God that is shown in how you treat your husband.