But I find during the whole experience, with all three children, I'm ridiculously self-conscience. The error of people-pleasing at it's worst for me. I don't WANT to look like I'm carrying triplets just because I'm short and my stomach protrudes out further than a beach ball. I take longer to get ready on Sundays because my body says "Wear maternity jeans..." but my pride says "Look nice! It's church!" For a good portion of my pregnancy, I spend needless time getting myself together so that I show to the minimum amount. Besides the sin of people-pleasing (Ephesians 6:6), I am truly acting (even if I'm not feeling) ungrateful for this amazing gift of life growing inside.
It's not a matter of beauty. Vanity, maybe, but I am content. It's truly a matter of perspective during a time when you need the Lord's endurance to get you through the pain of childbirth (see that curse in Genesis 3) and seeing the blessing come forth. Psalms 127 and 128 lay it out beautifully the BLESSING that I'm so ready to hide just because I feel awkward.
127:3-5- "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
The last half of this psalm of the wisest king, Solomon, tells us that they are a heritage, a reward! We are blessed when we fill out homes with them.
128:3-4- "Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots
around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord."
around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord."
Psalm 128 follows at 127 heels. In 127, we see that the house that the Lord builds is a blessed home. And that children are a wonderful blessing. In 128, we see that same family, with a father/husband who fears the Lord, is blessed. The wife/mother is fruitful (see Proverbs 31:10-31 for what that fruitfulness looks like) and the children are described as olive shoots. They are given the roots of their godly father to rise up and bless those around them with their OWN fruit. Olives in Israel are ground into a balm for healing, a salve for sand protection, a lotion for soothing. They are essential.
So when I think of this big huge belly that I'm trying to figure out how to move around with, I need to change my thinking to one of the happy heart that I ask my sons to have. One that is grateful for this growth, no matter the discomfort or comments, because of the life that is so beautifully knitted together inside. She is fearfully and wonderfully made. She is set apart for God's purpose and glory. And praise the Lord that I get to carry her.
People tend to have too much of an outward opinion when it comes to OTHER people's pregnancies. They can be downright rude, as you've encountered. Maggie, you look great as always, and you're doing a fantastic job as a mom :) Your boys are a testament to that.
ReplyDeleteOh, Maggie, thank you so much for your transparency! People-pleasing is such a temptation for me and I'm NOT pregnant! It is so encouraging to hear how God is bringing your heart back to a quiet rest in Him and a reflection on His ways. I pray that He would give you the grace and strength to be bold both inwardly and outwardly as you declare the great work that He is doing. I'm sure that the character the He is forming in you today will be a priceless gift for you to share with your daughter one day! :-)
ReplyDeleteHa! At five-foot-zero, and with 'bumps' that made me looked like a beached whale, I know all about the 'are you sure it's just one' comments!
ReplyDeleteBut still ... I do hope that doesn't take too much joy from you. My first pregnancy was 21 years ago, and my last one was 12 years ago, so I look on from a distance ... I must say that I only see beauty when I see a pregnant woman. So, no matter how big you feel, there are some of us out there who look at you all and sigh rather wistfully, knowing we will never be that *beautiful* again.
Anne
Maggie, I know you posted this almost a year ago, but as I haven't kept up on my blog reading, this post is very timely for me right now. I feel the same way. I always think everyone else looks cute when they are pregnant, but I never feel that way about myself. A friend from church is trying to get some photography practice in and asked me if she could do a maternity shoot with me. I told her I could think of a 1,000 reasons why I DIDN'T want to do one, but if she needed the practice, I would try to be compliant. I too, feel that I just want to be done...that I want to wear my normal clothes again, but I know that God has created and knitted this little one together in my womb and since we are counting on this being our last one (we'd have to get another car if we have any more - we're maxing out the seats with this one ;) ) I am trying NOT to complain...even with the aches and pains and the irritability/grouchiness I have been plaguing my family with. So, thank you for being open and honest. I truly benefited from your words tonight, nearly a year after you wrote them. :)
ReplyDeleteAnne Boyle