à la fin...

à la fin: French; at the end.

September 9th begins our final year at seminary. A few Sundays ago, a team from a bible church in Ohio visited our church wanting to research the way other denominations worship and do urban outreach. While talking with one of the team members, she asked why we're in Pittsburgh (after finding out Joe and I grew up in the Midwest).

I simply said, "O! We're here for seminary!"
(Picking up on the "we") "You go to seminary too?"
"Well, no. But we're a team."

Even though it happened so recently, I think it tells of how these past 2+ years have gone. We came as a family of 3. Joe began classes, and I began figuring out what God wanted of me... as a wife, as a mother, as a person.

At first I looked for work because that was the only way I figured we could get insurance with my diabetes. I hated interviewing because what I truly wanted was to be at home with Judah. In one such interview, I was asked point blank, "what is your ideal job?" I didn't lie and tell them exactly what I had applied for, I just smiled and honestly told her, "A stay-at-home mom." I found out that that's what she wanted too, but couldn't do that at that point in her life. After that, I stopped applying places. I picked up a job cleaning one afternoon a week at our denominational publishing house across the street. I figured I felt truly called to be at home with our son, and why should I strive against it? God blessed us with insurance within a month of this decision, and He turned my hobby of graphic design into a job. First it was a book cover, then 3 new business clients all within our denomination. Then it was going by word-of-mouth with logos. God provided amply for us so that I could be at home. He even blessed us with another son, Levi, a year later! So as Judah got older and Levi thrived I began to understand better my role as mother. "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up" (Deut. 6:4-7). Joe and I work as a team in training our boys. I can't teach them what he can, and likewise he can't do what I can. When I begin to feel the curse of Eve and take over our boys like I'm the only one who knows how to parent, everyone suffers. In the words of Judah's favorite song by Buddy Davis, our marriage "is designed to do what it does do and what it does do it does do well, doesn't it?" Going against God's design for my life creates strife and craziness. And no one likes strife and craziness. Not to say His design is easy, but it IS perfect!

Our team work stretched itself into our second year, as we expected Levi right after presbytery exams and right before finals. And as we knew I'd most likely have a c-section, we also had to expect a long recovery for me. But God kept our ship afloat. Right on schedule, Joe passed his presbytery exams (license to preach!), Levi was born two weeks later (praise the Lord for bringing my parents in to watch Judah!), and 2 weeks after that Joe finished finals week. God provided meals, sorely needed rest during winter break (we didn't really have one during Thanksgiving break), and a blessed love between our boys from day 1. I'll admit, I prayed often for patience and energy. I could not get my head above water with being a seminary wife, mom of 2, helping at church, and leading weekly bible studies with other wives at the seminary. I was super-mom and I was seriously floundering. Why? Because I was relying on myself. "Such is the destiny of all who forget God; so perishes the hope of the godless. What they trust in is fragile; what they rely on is a spider’s web. They lean on the web, but it gives way; they cling to it, but it does not hold" (Job 8:13-15). Joe, my true leader, saw this and knew the cure. He got us on a daily bible reading plan and was my accountability partner. And being in God's word daily was exactly what was needed. It was hard at first to make it a habit, but now, I need it. I yearn for it. I love when God recalls things for me and helps me to see the beautiful plan He has made since Creation and before! God is so good. He also taught me the error of HOW I was praying. "God, I need patience." "I need energy." "I need wisdom." What I realized is that even though I'm asking for good things, I'm asking for them so that I can use them in the way I think I should use them. Did you see how many times I said "I"? So I began praying "God? Be my patience" cause God's way of being patience is infinitely better than mine. "God? Be my strength" cause all the strength I have is futile. God will always have enough of what I need. Isn't that amazing?

Beginning year 3 makes me look back on all God has taught me that I can bring to the team when we are called to the pastorate. People may think, "We're calling Joe," and it's true. I'm not gonna preach, even if Joe is sick suddenly Sunday morning and I know his sermon by heart. But we're a team. We come as a packaged family of 4, as I keep trying to explain to Judah. So God cultivated me alongside my husband during our time here. I learned how to run a bible study purely from scripture. I learned how to lead a bible/book study. I am learning what it means to "quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19). How to have better, more fruitful hospitality. Ways to teach our boys to serve at an early age. How to be content in all things. I'm learning at seminary too, even if I'm not taking "Doctrine of Human Nature". God is so good to humble me, and teach me alongside my husband. He is so gracious to provide for us during this time. He's merciful as He teaches me what it means to sit in the pew by myself with 2 wiggles as Joe preaches. He's infinitely wise, infinitely just, infinitely holy. His word is truth and a light to my path (Psalm 119). I'm learning from the man God placed as my head and enjoying Joe's company on the straight and narrow way.

Praise You Lord for what You have done these past 2+ years! It might not be exactly what Joe is learning, but we're a complimentary team, designed to do what we do and what we do together we do well, don't we?