Three Convictions...

Conviction #1: Bible Reading
At the beginning of this year, Joe challenged us as a family to read through the bible in a year. Our family worship would consist of the New Testament readings and our personal devotions would be in the Old Testament. I've tried numerous times before to "read through in a year", but favoring the New Testament because it's easier to apply, I've always failed. That's why, at 27 years old and in a year going to be a pastor's wife, I haven't read through the entire bible. I think I've read most of it, excluding a few prophets, but never connected it all together and read through it like the book it is. I haven't devoured it like the life giving food it is, and most days in personal devotions I look at the amount I have to read and sigh because I have other matters to attend to. I think that's why the Lord is leading me through the Old Testament.

Israel was a rebellious nation. In the book of Hosea, God has His prophet marry a prostitute to give an illustration of what His relationship with His bride, the church/Israel, is like. They (we) are faithless, whoring after idols (gods in their case, money, materials, and people-pleasing in ours), always saying they'll be faithful, but the next chapter revealing they have turned once again away from the God of their Deliverance. The book of Judges begins and ends with telling how the people did what was right in their own eyes, and what happens because of that.

So, when I read through 1 Samuel, and see that the people have asked God, their Ruler, Deliverer, and Savior, for a king because they wanted someone to fight their battles for them (what?!), I can't help but stop after my readings and pray. God... I have been rebellious. I have forgotten that You fight my battles. I have tried to do things on my terms and by my abilities. Needless to say Lord, I failed. I couldn't even focus on You today, Your Sabbath day, because I was too distracted. I didn't seek after you. Please Lord, forgive me. Thank you Lord for Your Son, through whom I am redeemed and washed as white as snow. Thank you Lord that today we sang a psalm talking about how we are by faith assured of Your salvation (which of course is found in Christ). You are so good and merciful to remind me. Lord, You brought Saul before me in my readings. He wanted to rush through Your sacrifices. He wanted to get it done because he had things to do. So he didn't wait for Your servant Samuel to come and do it right. And for that he was rebuked by Samuel and his rule was prophesied to be shortened by the coming of David. God... forgive me my hastiness. My thinking that my things are more important than Yours. Again... You are good to humble me and set me back on the straight and narrow path. Keep me, in Christ, from turning to the right or to the left. Teach me to follow You so that I may walk in Your Way. Teach me to be more like Christ, who IS the Way, the Truth, and the Life. My King and Savior. Amen...

Conviction #2: The Poor and Needy
This doubled with today's sermon, did you ever think upon the fact that we will stand before the Judgement seat of God. That He will judge us for how we have walked. Because of Christ, we will not be burned in the fire and we will join Him in glory, but our deeds will still be looked at. I've felt the most convicted and feared God when I see people (most of them are men) on the side of the road with homeless signs. Now... I recognize that not all men are being honest, and that is for God to judge them, but they are seeking aid, and so I ask how I can give it. A few weeks back, it was a meal with a man named Tony who doesn't get anything to eat from 6am until almost 8pm. The man at the gas station, it was a quarter for bus fare. But one man stumped me. I saw him as I took the boys into Sam's with me, so we got an extra hot dog, chips, and water for him with the intention of handing it off as we passed. But when we got close with the car, and I stuck my head out to talk with hot dog and chips in hand, he said he couldn't eat flour, meat, etc. etc. because he had cancer but he was grateful for the water and dismissed me on my way. Okay... I thought the entire way home how I could have handled that better. How I could have offered to take him to get a salad, or brought him home and cooked for him as he showed me what he could and couldn't have. So when I was out that way again, and again I saw the same man at the same corner, I turned the car around so I could once again offer help since his sign said he needed it. Again, he went through what he couldn't eat, and so I offered to drive him to get a big salad (seemingly "okay" in his list of dietary restrictions). But he said that wasn't nutritious since it was only lettuce. Stumped, I saw him walk away after saying that, walk up to a truck that offered him money, and happily go and count it. Ah. It was the reminder of what my heart had been hardened so long against today's poor on the streets. I had met and read an article about a man in KC who sat outside of a bookstore downtown and begged for a living. His living did him so well, he took a yearly vacation to the Rockies for skiing. So how do you help in a world that doesn't know it's true need? You pray. You pray that your heart wouldn't be hardened. That you would have ample opportunities to share Christ, and help find work. I thought on how Cush4Christ, a mission in south Sudan, came not offer schools or food, but instead offered Christ and a work ethic that the people are beginning to thrive on. They were shown the resources they have at their disposal if they would just USE them.

I feel as though I should be armed with a list of shelters (for men and women), soup kitchens, and other services around the city. But then realize that the church should be giving those things. So instead, I need to be armed with the phone numbers of my church session, and secretary.

Dear Lord, keep me and my children safe as we minister. Lord, I know You go with us because You ask this of us in Your Word. What we do for these people, we do to You. Thank You for Your servants in Kokomo, Indiana who shared how You worked in their congregation to teach them how to care for the poor and needy around them. Help me to know better how to do it because You ask it of me. Amen...

Conviction #3: Taking a Call
As we're hitting our last 2 weeks of our 2nd year in seminary, I realize that as Joe goes out to preach at various places, we may be called anywhere this time next year. I weigh the various places that have (or will have) open pulpits. I think of the congregations themselves, I think of their distance proximity to our families, I think of their histories within the denomination, I think of the ministry opportunities they've sought in the past or could do in the future. I think... a lot. But one day, after Joe and I talked about a congregation, I realized that weighing all these things seemed wrong. Granted, I'm sure there are fits that are necessary between a pastor and his congregation (and I need to study and learn them BEFORE next year!), but aren't we called to administer the gospel everywhere? Jesus doesn't say to go where you feel more comfortable, or where you like the climate, or where you can be close to people you know. He just says to GO. So what's the difference if one place is urban and the other is rural? If one place is small and the other nearly ready to church plant it's brimming over? If one is a church plant and will take work and the other is established since the early 1900s? I need to be content wherever Joe is called because that is where the gospel in needed. That is a flock that needed a proxy-shepherd to the Good Shepherd, to lead them in His ways. Jesus went to the people wherever they were, and I shouldn't shield my family because one place is outside my comfort zone. I should rely upon God, and maybe get a big dog if necessary. God WILL provide, as He has always done so for us in the past. I needn't worry about insurance, finances, or security (well, I need to be a good steward of those things, but I don't have to worry about them) because God has and WILL care for His people wherever He places them. So the congregation that we go to this time next year will be just right, because God called us to them.

God, please be preparing our congregation for us. Open up their hearts to us and ours to them so that wherever You lead us it will be a fruitful ministry that fears You above all things and desires to give glory to Your name. Be preparing that congregation, whomever they may be, so that our names will already be in the back of their minds as a possibility, and may prepare us so that we may serve them as Your servants. Thank You Lord, for caring for our each and every need. I know with confidence that You will take care of this one perfectly, because You are perfect. You are just. You are faithful. Thank you Lord. Amen.