The Unknown

Well... an early morning is here again, and as usual, inability to go back to bed affords time to blog. My mind is racing with things I want to do before Judah or Levi wake up, which means I find myself in the middle of one thing and realize I was doing another. My brain is in a fog, but not of tiredness. I'm wired. I drink decaf coffee, maybe with an occasional flavoring of 1/4 caffeinated. So coffee isn't the excuse. I'm just overwhelmed with thinking lately.

Our little family has reached the "over half way done" mark of seminary, and the future looms ahead. Where will we end up? What's left to do? What SHOULD we (or I mainly) do before seminary's over? How are our finances? Will they hold steady for another year? What can we cut back on? What should we go ahead and do? Judah's getting older. What should we be starting with him? Is 15-30 minutes of school time enough each day? Levi's getting bigger. What should I be doing to make sure he's developing on track? What did Judah do at this age? Joe's got a lot on his plate. What can I be doing better at home to make sure he can do all that he needs to do?

Seriously. My mind is everywhere. I find myself often staring at our map of the RPCNA US churches (which was created in 2010 or 2011 and is no longer up to date) and going over and over in my head where empty pulpits are. Where church plants are being made. Where church plants are being researched. The unknown is daunting. Will we be on the west coast where things are growing and exciting? The east coast/eastern Midwest where some pulpits have been empty for a while and need nurturing or will be opening up soon? The Midwest where faces are a bit more familiar and family is closer? Then I find myself thinking, "Well... I can't do much. Joe will have to preach at those various places, pass "license to receive a call exams", and then candidate." Then I realize it goes beyond that. We can't do anything without God's pre-ordaining it.

And that's where peace can be found. "... the Lord is at hand, do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:5b-7). He's taking care of it. Not just a small portion either. All of it. Down to Judah's future potty-training skills. He's got it covered.

"Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart... But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness" (Eph. 4:17-24).

God has called me to "put off and put on", to trust fully in Him and keep my focus on eternity knowing He will lay every stepping stone perfectly before me. And further more, He will give me the strength to do it. I could cry in relief right now. "He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord" (Psalm 40:3). Praise the Lord!