Looking back over my short years, I see a trend. Not just leggings and hairstyles, but a true God-lead trend of maturing. Of forming and contouring me to His image. And the biggest continuous movement I see looking back and thinking of our current trial is God causing me to rely on Him. That me, Ms. Planner, cannot all things and know their usual outcome. That is by far the most constant thing I see God teaching me over the years.
A few recent case in points...
Seminary. My husband had a great job as an engineer and we loved our church, but God's call is all encompassing, taking over and directing you to do what He is calling you to. We knew we would head to seminary at some point, but one day we were there and we were going. It's never the right time for seminary, just like there is never the right time for having children. So we did both at the same time :) 1 born just before we left and 2 born during our time there. And as we wrapped up our time there, tearfully saying goodbye to the dear brothers and sisters in Christ God allowed us to fellowship with, we were left clueless. We were due in 2 weeks with our 3rd baby, and a month after her birth we had to leave our apartment and go... somewhere. After her birth (2 weeks after graduation) we still didn't know where we were packing for. But I was reminded over and over that God knew. He allowed me to know what I needed to do in the baby steps (have our daughter, pack our home, clean, etc.) until He revealed where He was preparing for us to go. He told Abraham to go, providing fully for him all things (even a son!). So why would it be any different. 2 weeks after she was born, and 2 weeks before we had to leave, we were given an opportunity and we knew where God wanted us for a time. Praise Him.
And a little more recently, after some turmoil and now a time of peace, I feel once again called to wait patiently on the Lord. I started bleeding at 12.5 weeks with our now 4th child. I cried out to the Lord, never having bled with our 3 others. It seemed more than spotting and I feared that what the Lord so graciously gave He had decided to take away. After listening to the baby's strong heartbeat, the Lord comforted me. But I continued to bleed every now and then. So they called me back in for an ultrasound. What's going on God? Baby's ok, but am I ok? "I wait for You because You are my strength. A mighty fort, a stronghold is my God..." (Psalm 59). Maybe that's why when I heard we have placenta previa currently with this child, meaning the placenta is too low and that's what's causing the bleeding, I didn't feel frightened. They didn't say bed rest (Praise the Lord!) but they told me to take it easy. They encouraged that it usually rights itself as the uterus grows. So we're under surveillance for the time.
Take it easy doesn't make me think of my life with 3 kiddos. We love to take mile walks, and I love waking up early to workout (2 miles) with a friend. We are active in the church (as a pastor's family, of course we're gonna be!) and busy. I help tutor with our homeschooling community and watch friends' kids when they need a moment (or a day). What does "take it easy" look like? Then my husband reminded me it's good to allow others to serve and good to learn to be served. I said "If they do put me on bed rest how will we stay afloat?" And I am reminded that I am not necessary. Not in a hopeless "They don't need me" kind of way. But in a realistic "God does it all" kind of way. I'm reminded of a dear friend that within the first year of their first pastorate, she was put on bed rest with their 2nd child. With 20 some-odd weeks left in the pregnancy, she was unable to serve (as she saw) in their brand new congregation. But it brought the congregation into a time of love and service towards their family- caring for their daughter, bringing meals so the new pastor wouldn't have to be overwhelmed with cooking too, laundry, cleaning. Seriously. It was an amazing time of learning to serve in the church. And God grew her in godliness during this time of waiting, giving her ample time to study His word and rely on His providence. O Lord that I may have her patience!
But the thing that comes back to me over and over again is that God will provide. He will provide strength. He will provide patience. He will provide care. He will provide answers in time. He will provide all things that are necessary because He has promised His loved ones. And God never lies, never falters, never goes back and changes His mind. His yes is yes and His no is no. Praise the Lord!
As I feel the baby kick, I know He's already providing and caring. I need not worry.
Friday, 26 February 2016
Sunday, 23 August 2015
We Stand United
As I scroll through my Facebook feed, I'm always struck by the different blogs (not all but some) that I've liked since becoming a wife and mom. Now... I'll give this disclaimer that it's not every blog I follow. I have good friends whose blogs are amazing testimony of God's work in their lives. And I'll also say that I am a sinner in need of Christ just like every person on the globe. And a third disclaimer: this is not meant for those in truly biblically troubling relationships. For those who need the help of others because of the downward turn of their marriage. But it is meant for the everyday.
That said, I'm tired. Truly exhausted by even seeing yet another article, blog post, or quick note shaming husbands. They are always quick witted and make you surprised that actual men exist somewhere that do these ridiculous things. And while I know that husbands too are sinners, and that they do things differently than mommy, where is the respect? Where is the love shown to him, even in written words? Why are they the silly sidekick in most mom blogs?
Early on in our marriage, Joe and I learned the need for communication. We had both seen and experienced the effects of bad communication within the covenant bond. For the first 6 months I held back anger, emotions, and other things because I didn't want to hurt the "happy" union between me and my new husband. I wanted the "perfect" marriage, with no disagreements and no issues. What I made for myself was a marriage filled with grumpiness and miscommunication which caused more issues. Both Joe and I will say the first year of marriage was the hardest. But in that trial, we saw what God was teaching us. The intense need of intimate communication between husband and wife.
"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
As years passed, other things were taught us by beloved friends who discipled us with God's word. But the most important thing that I learned before we left for seminary was to guard my husband. That little comments that I say about him in front of others effects how he is viewed by them. And while those comments still pop up in my head from time to time, I hold my tongue. Because I desire my husband to have not just my respect, but others. Why do they need an account of how my husband has failed this week? Must his wrong doings be publicized so that he is shamed? Do I need to to hold my husband to MY standard more than God's?
All this to say, I stand behind my husband. In good times and in bad. In sickness and in health. For richer and for poorer. Until death parts us. We are a team. When we made a covenant before God and witnesses, we became one. He's not my sidekick. He's my leader. He's not a goof any more than I am. If he makes mistakes, the world doesn't need to know. We've talked about it. We've worked through and around it. We stayed as one flesh. He is my beloved and I am his, even on days when we wonder why we married each other. We are a team. When one teammate falls, the other picks them up and helps them continue on.
Please, wives. Love you husbands. Stand behind them as their helpmeets and love them with a Christian love. And let the world see this and marvel at your joy in the Lord and ask you why you are so different from the rest of the world. Because you have an intense love for God that is shown in how you treat your husband.
That said, I'm tired. Truly exhausted by even seeing yet another article, blog post, or quick note shaming husbands. They are always quick witted and make you surprised that actual men exist somewhere that do these ridiculous things. And while I know that husbands too are sinners, and that they do things differently than mommy, where is the respect? Where is the love shown to him, even in written words? Why are they the silly sidekick in most mom blogs?
Early on in our marriage, Joe and I learned the need for communication. We had both seen and experienced the effects of bad communication within the covenant bond. For the first 6 months I held back anger, emotions, and other things because I didn't want to hurt the "happy" union between me and my new husband. I wanted the "perfect" marriage, with no disagreements and no issues. What I made for myself was a marriage filled with grumpiness and miscommunication which caused more issues. Both Joe and I will say the first year of marriage was the hardest. But in that trial, we saw what God was teaching us. The intense need of intimate communication between husband and wife.
"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:22-33
How can that be done without communication? Without respect (note that God commands it of the wife here)? Without love? Without giving of oneself (see 1 Corinthians 6-10 for more on that)? And granted, if you're a mom, you give all day to the kiddos. And then the hub comes home and you are asked to give to him to. Many women, including myself, have been burned out on the giving giving giving until they collapse into tears or at minimum a hot bath at 11pm when all is quiet. Because who are we truly giving to? If to man, it'll be miserable. There will be disappointment and frustration. Entitlement will seep in. But if we give ourselves to God, we'll see different fruit mixed in with our ever-constant sin. Patience will slowly take over our frustration. Love will take over our disappointment. Humility our entitlement. Peace our anger. Gentleness our quickness to use our tongue to hurt instead of encourage. Self-control will in time replace our impulsiveness.
As years passed, other things were taught us by beloved friends who discipled us with God's word. But the most important thing that I learned before we left for seminary was to guard my husband. That little comments that I say about him in front of others effects how he is viewed by them. And while those comments still pop up in my head from time to time, I hold my tongue. Because I desire my husband to have not just my respect, but others. Why do they need an account of how my husband has failed this week? Must his wrong doings be publicized so that he is shamed? Do I need to to hold my husband to MY standard more than God's?
All this to say, I stand behind my husband. In good times and in bad. In sickness and in health. For richer and for poorer. Until death parts us. We are a team. When we made a covenant before God and witnesses, we became one. He's not my sidekick. He's my leader. He's not a goof any more than I am. If he makes mistakes, the world doesn't need to know. We've talked about it. We've worked through and around it. We stayed as one flesh. He is my beloved and I am his, even on days when we wonder why we married each other. We are a team. When one teammate falls, the other picks them up and helps them continue on.
Please, wives. Love you husbands. Stand behind them as their helpmeets and love them with a Christian love. And let the world see this and marvel at your joy in the Lord and ask you why you are so different from the rest of the world. Because you have an intense love for God that is shown in how you treat your husband.
Sunday, 16 August 2015
Dear Far Away Friend
Dear far away friend,
I miss you. That is an understatement. I miss walking down the street or across the hall to knock on your door. I miss having in depth discussions with you and praying with you. I miss talking about your hometown, and praying for your friends there. I miss your wise advice and your seemingly insatiable curiosity for God's word. O how much you taught me...
I wish I could talk with you freely and not fear contacting you in case it endangered you. I wish I could tell you of what God has done in my life this past year, both the pitfalls and joys. I wish I could hear what God has been doing in your life, but am grateful I get a small snippets here and there through different people. I wish I could encourage you and tell you I pray fervently for you. Or that I keep reminders to pray on my dresser and on my keys. That I have told my children all about you and that I will continue to tell them the amazing things God is doing through you. I wish I could come alongside you and mourn with you during your intense suffering, and hug you tightly. I wish I could encourage you through scriptures, and if I failed, through sitting by you in loving silence while you spoke or cried. I wish I could hear you speak.
I wish and miss often concerning you. But I continue to recall the joyous answer we told each other when we were going down the different paths God was sending us on: how joyous will our reunion be in heaven, dear one! Oh I long for Christ to come, for your suffering to be over, and for us to worship Him once more together in His temple. I still learn from you, from your spiritual strength, your immense desire for His word, and from your steadfast love for your steadfast loving Savior.
I hope the vast world of the digital age can make this find a way to you. I still love you, my sister in Christ. The love David had for Jonathan. And I ache for Christ's coming that you may be released from your trials and rejoicing and exalting His name with me in heaven.
With love in Christ
Maggie
I miss you. That is an understatement. I miss walking down the street or across the hall to knock on your door. I miss having in depth discussions with you and praying with you. I miss talking about your hometown, and praying for your friends there. I miss your wise advice and your seemingly insatiable curiosity for God's word. O how much you taught me...
I wish I could talk with you freely and not fear contacting you in case it endangered you. I wish I could tell you of what God has done in my life this past year, both the pitfalls and joys. I wish I could hear what God has been doing in your life, but am grateful I get a small snippets here and there through different people. I wish I could encourage you and tell you I pray fervently for you. Or that I keep reminders to pray on my dresser and on my keys. That I have told my children all about you and that I will continue to tell them the amazing things God is doing through you. I wish I could come alongside you and mourn with you during your intense suffering, and hug you tightly. I wish I could encourage you through scriptures, and if I failed, through sitting by you in loving silence while you spoke or cried. I wish I could hear you speak.
I wish and miss often concerning you. But I continue to recall the joyous answer we told each other when we were going down the different paths God was sending us on: how joyous will our reunion be in heaven, dear one! Oh I long for Christ to come, for your suffering to be over, and for us to worship Him once more together in His temple. I still learn from you, from your spiritual strength, your immense desire for His word, and from your steadfast love for your steadfast loving Savior.
I hope the vast world of the digital age can make this find a way to you. I still love you, my sister in Christ. The love David had for Jonathan. And I ache for Christ's coming that you may be released from your trials and rejoicing and exalting His name with me in heaven.
With love in Christ
Maggie
Tuesday, 20 May 2014
Concealing a Blessing...
I'll be truthful. I'm not one of those women that feels amazing and gorgeously glowing throughout pregnancy. The first trimester, I'm excited, but exhausted and nauseated. By God's mercy, it's been just that. But only for my third pregnancy could I stay in my normal clothes for the first trimester. With Judah, I bloated at 6 weeks and donned maternity wear for the following 34 weeks. With Levi, I could hold back a bit longer, but summer came early and slightly tight clothes were just not going to work. The second trimester is easier. God is gracious to give a boost of energy (especially when you already have little ones to care for) and maternity wear is comfy and cute. People are kinder with their words, "O! I think you're beginning to show a little!" All around, a happier 3 months. But then the third trimester comes. The aches and pains of holding this little one. The aches and pains of holding their siblings on the outside. I can't sleep well for varied reasons, and the "joking", but truly hurtful, comments of others begin, "Are you sure you've got just one in there?" I got that one this week. With Levi, I got "Are you having triplets?!" And with Judah, I was stopped by the greeter at Walmart when I was returning unopened liters of soda from a church event and was given a lecture on weight gain and soda drinking. For me, I'm already uncomfortable. The clothes I'm wearing that day allowed me to feel the most comfortable I could and still feel like I'm presentable...
But I find during the whole experience, with all three children, I'm ridiculously self-conscience. The error of people-pleasing at it's worst for me. I don't WANT to look like I'm carrying triplets just because I'm short and my stomach protrudes out further than a beach ball. I take longer to get ready on Sundays because my body says "Wear maternity jeans..." but my pride says "Look nice! It's church!" For a good portion of my pregnancy, I spend needless time getting myself together so that I show to the minimum amount. Besides the sin of people-pleasing (Ephesians 6:6), I am truly acting (even if I'm not feeling) ungrateful for this amazing gift of life growing inside.
It's not a matter of beauty. Vanity, maybe, but I am content. It's truly a matter of perspective during a time when you need the Lord's endurance to get you through the pain of childbirth (see that curse in Genesis 3) and seeing the blessing come forth. Psalms 127 and 128 lay it out beautifully the BLESSING that I'm so ready to hide just because I feel awkward.
127:3-5- "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
The last half of this psalm of the wisest king, Solomon, tells us that they are a heritage, a reward! We are blessed when we fill out homes with them.
128:3-4- "Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots
around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord."
around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord."
Psalm 128 follows at 127 heels. In 127, we see that the house that the Lord builds is a blessed home. And that children are a wonderful blessing. In 128, we see that same family, with a father/husband who fears the Lord, is blessed. The wife/mother is fruitful (see Proverbs 31:10-31 for what that fruitfulness looks like) and the children are described as olive shoots. They are given the roots of their godly father to rise up and bless those around them with their OWN fruit. Olives in Israel are ground into a balm for healing, a salve for sand protection, a lotion for soothing. They are essential.
So when I think of this big huge belly that I'm trying to figure out how to move around with, I need to change my thinking to one of the happy heart that I ask my sons to have. One that is grateful for this growth, no matter the discomfort or comments, because of the life that is so beautifully knitted together inside. She is fearfully and wonderfully made. She is set apart for God's purpose and glory. And praise the Lord that I get to carry her.
Tuesday, 22 April 2014
To Nest...
Nest: noun; a structure or place made or chosen by a bird for laying eggs and sheltering its young; a person's snug or secluded retreat or shelter.
Often by the third trimester, most women (I won't say this for all) have given in to the desire to "nest". To make one's home ready for the little one that's on the way. With Judah, I cleaned out closets, organized the medicine closet to make room for baby stuff, and laundered all his clothes just in an effort to get ready for our first. When Judah came home, we had just had a baby shower the day we went into the hospital. Presents were still in packages, things unorganized, and the kitchen table covered. I'll admit. I cried. After all that prep, and a long WEEK in the hospital (Judah had jaundice that kept us there 2 extra days), I was overwhelmed that the hospital would allow us to bring this sweet sleeping babe into what I then considered a heap (a vacuumed heap, but a heap none the less).
Levi, I was determined would be different. Since Judah was a c-section, Levi was a planned one. I had the apartment cleaned from top to bottom for my parents staying with our little man while we were gone. I redid Judah's room to fit a crib and made it into a map-themed adventure room for two little boys to explore and discover together in. Pulled out the 0-3 month stash of boys clothing and even had the diaper area ready. Along with the corner of our own room readied for the next 3 months that he would sleep with until he slept well enough through the night. Ready! But when Levi came home, and my parents left after a short visit, and Joe went back to classes and finals (just across the street)... I didn't even know what to do with TWO kids. It took 4 months or more to finally figure out a routine that didn't make me feel exhausted at the end of the day.
Lesson learned? You might think I'm reaching, but this is what I've found as we wait for baby girl to arrive. This isn't my nest. With both boys I was SO focused on making sure everything earthly was ready. Not that that is wrong, to ready oneself for the revealed plan that the Lord has laid before you. But how much of that time was I focused on praying for readiness? Praying for endurance? Searching the scriptures for what I really needed to bring those boys into the world (whether naturally or by man's hand/scalpel?)?
Jesus rightly reminds me in John 15:19(b) "...but you are not of this world, but I chose you out of the world." This isn't my home. Matthew 6 puts it in a different way. That we aren't to place all our treasures here on earth "where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal." Where are our treasures to be? "Lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matt. 6:20-21). So when I'm overly worried, and let's face it, pregnancy hormones don't help, where is my heart? For me, I'm focused on things. Diapers, clothes, crib bedding, etc. It's not that it's wrong to prepare for the child to come (you're gonna be in a bit of a pinch if you don't). But if it's your only focus, and all happiness rides on your readiness, misery follows.
For little girl, God has taught me this with a hard lesson. I can't nest. I want to! Don't get me wrong. But the corner of our room is all I have because we're moving to I don't know where the month after she's born. Not that I'm doing nothing. Lovingly handed-down clothes are being laundered, her area is being set up. I even sewed a couple things for her and her corner. But the Lord has kept my mind on Him. I'm not ready for 3! I only have 2 hands! But the Lord placed a strong desire for our third on our hearts, and we listened willingly. With her, I find myself studying the Word to see what strong godly women God talks about that I can tell her stories of. I pray for her more than I ever did for the boys in utero (don't tell them that haha). Not just for her growth, but her heart. Has it really taken 3 children for me to finally get a tiny grasp on what it means to nest in a godly manner? Is this the kind of nesting the Proverbs 31 (verses 10-31) woman would have done?
With her, I'm not worried. God is sovereign. He knows what I need (Matthew 6:31-32) and what our family of now 5 needs. He knows I can't pack my tiny freezer full of ready-made dinners for our first month after her arrival. And He knows that I'm not looking forward to another c-section. But what does He ask of me in the midst of all the crazy hormonal worries that pregnancy (or unfaithfulness) bring on? "...seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you" (Matt. 6:33). And what is His promise if I obey? If I lay all my anxiety on Him and seek Him? "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." A peace that transcends all understanding? I'd say I'd feel ready for twins with that.
Tuesday, 5 November 2013
Growing up in Seminary...
It's been on my mind lately the immense blessing that Judah and Levi don't even realize. I guess I should begin with, God richly blessed us by providing us housing on campus here at seminary. Not only does Joe simply have to walk across the street daily to study and attend classes, but we as a family benefit too. The support from other families surrounding the seminary is truly invaluable. Our children get to grow together in Christ, play together, and love on one another. Even if they are all under the age of 5 :) But in emergencies trusted friends are literally next door to take a little one while you take the other to the hospital or doctor. It's such a blessing.
But for Judah, looking especially through his perspective, this building is home. The retired pastor and handyman is his Papa. The professors are all elders whom he knows and isn't too shy to talk too. The other seminary students are dear friends whom he explodes with excitement to see. He knows that we can go to chapel and worship God daily if we want, and he's learning through family worship and chapel time how to truly worship, not just sit still, on Sundays. For our children, they are growing up surrounded by our brothers and sisters in Christ teaching them alongside us the amazing unity and diversity of God's Church.
It does make me sad to think because he's so young, Judah won't remember it all. He may not remember his best friend who's family will return to another continent after graduation. Or his love for time with our across-the-hall neighbors, which sometimes is translated "Mommy, you and daddy need to go on a date so the Morelands can come over." Cause dinner with them isn't enough. It may only be a vague memory the faces and places God has enriched us with over these past 2 1/2 years (3 when we're done and move). A part of me prays this time sticks in his memory as it will for Joe and I. I know Levi won't remember. He's too little. But I do pray that Judah won't hold tight to a place, but the blessings that God gave us while we were here. I hate thinking of graduation, when we and everyone in our year will go across the country (and oceans!) to go where God is calling us. Not because I don't want to go. I do with all my heart! But we as a family will greatly miss the people God has put in our lives for such a short time.
Seminary isn't just for my seminarian husband. God brought us all here. And truly... we all are blessed by it.
But for Judah, looking especially through his perspective, this building is home. The retired pastor and handyman is his Papa. The professors are all elders whom he knows and isn't too shy to talk too. The other seminary students are dear friends whom he explodes with excitement to see. He knows that we can go to chapel and worship God daily if we want, and he's learning through family worship and chapel time how to truly worship, not just sit still, on Sundays. For our children, they are growing up surrounded by our brothers and sisters in Christ teaching them alongside us the amazing unity and diversity of God's Church.
It does make me sad to think because he's so young, Judah won't remember it all. He may not remember his best friend who's family will return to another continent after graduation. Or his love for time with our across-the-hall neighbors, which sometimes is translated "Mommy, you and daddy need to go on a date so the Morelands can come over." Cause dinner with them isn't enough. It may only be a vague memory the faces and places God has enriched us with over these past 2 1/2 years (3 when we're done and move). A part of me prays this time sticks in his memory as it will for Joe and I. I know Levi won't remember. He's too little. But I do pray that Judah won't hold tight to a place, but the blessings that God gave us while we were here. I hate thinking of graduation, when we and everyone in our year will go across the country (and oceans!) to go where God is calling us. Not because I don't want to go. I do with all my heart! But we as a family will greatly miss the people God has put in our lives for such a short time.
Seminary isn't just for my seminarian husband. God brought us all here. And truly... we all are blessed by it.
Monday, 19 August 2013
à la fin...
à la fin: French; at the end.
September 9th begins our final year at seminary. A few Sundays ago, a team from a bible church in Ohio visited our church wanting to research the way other denominations worship and do urban outreach. While talking with one of the team members, she asked why we're in Pittsburgh (after finding out Joe and I grew up in the Midwest).
I simply said, "O! We're here for seminary!"
(Picking up on the "we") "You go to seminary too?"
"Well, no. But we're a team."
Even though it happened so recently, I think it tells of how these past 2+ years have gone. We came as a family of 3. Joe began classes, and I began figuring out what God wanted of me... as a wife, as a mother, as a person.
At first I looked for work because that was the only way I figured we could get insurance with my diabetes. I hated interviewing because what I truly wanted was to be at home with Judah. In one such interview, I was asked point blank, "what is your ideal job?" I didn't lie and tell them exactly what I had applied for, I just smiled and honestly told her, "A stay-at-home mom." I found out that that's what she wanted too, but couldn't do that at that point in her life. After that, I stopped applying places. I picked up a job cleaning one afternoon a week at our denominational publishing house across the street. I figured I felt truly called to be at home with our son, and why should I strive against it? God blessed us with insurance within a month of this decision, and He turned my hobby of graphic design into a job. First it was a book cover, then 3 new business clients all within our denomination. Then it was going by word-of-mouth with logos. God provided amply for us so that I could be at home. He even blessed us with another son, Levi, a year later! So as Judah got older and Levi thrived I began to understand better my role as mother. "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up" (Deut. 6:4-7). Joe and I work as a team in training our boys. I can't teach them what he can, and likewise he can't do what I can. When I begin to feel the curse of Eve and take over our boys like I'm the only one who knows how to parent, everyone suffers. In the words of Judah's favorite song by Buddy Davis, our marriage "is designed to do what it does do and what it does do it does do well, doesn't it?" Going against God's design for my life creates strife and craziness. And no one likes strife and craziness. Not to say His design is easy, but it IS perfect!
Our team work stretched itself into our second year, as we expected Levi right after presbytery exams and right before finals. And as we knew I'd most likely have a c-section, we also had to expect a long recovery for me. But God kept our ship afloat. Right on schedule, Joe passed his presbytery exams (license to preach!), Levi was born two weeks later (praise the Lord for bringing my parents in to watch Judah!), and 2 weeks after that Joe finished finals week. God provided meals, sorely needed rest during winter break (we didn't really have one during Thanksgiving break), and a blessed love between our boys from day 1. I'll admit, I prayed often for patience and energy. I could not get my head above water with being a seminary wife, mom of 2, helping at church, and leading weekly bible studies with other wives at the seminary. I was super-mom and I was seriously floundering. Why? Because I was relying on myself. "Such is the destiny of all who forget God; so perishes the hope of the godless. What they trust in is fragile; what they rely on is a spider’s web. They lean on the web, but it gives way; they cling to it, but it does not hold" (Job 8:13-15). Joe, my true leader, saw this and knew the cure. He got us on a daily bible reading plan and was my accountability partner. And being in God's word daily was exactly what was needed. It was hard at first to make it a habit, but now, I need it. I yearn for it. I love when God recalls things for me and helps me to see the beautiful plan He has made since Creation and before! God is so good. He also taught me the error of HOW I was praying. "God, I need patience." "I need energy." "I need wisdom." What I realized is that even though I'm asking for good things, I'm asking for them so that I can use them in the way I think I should use them. Did you see how many times I said "I"? So I began praying "God? Be my patience" cause God's way of being patience is infinitely better than mine. "God? Be my strength" cause all the strength I have is futile. God will always have enough of what I need. Isn't that amazing?
Beginning year 3 makes me look back on all God has taught me that I can bring to the team when we are called to the pastorate. People may think, "We're calling Joe," and it's true. I'm not gonna preach, even if Joe is sick suddenly Sunday morning and I know his sermon by heart. But we're a team. We come as a packaged family of 4, as I keep trying to explain to Judah. So God cultivated me alongside my husband during our time here. I learned how to run a bible study purely from scripture. I learned how to lead a bible/book study. I am learning what it means to "quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19). How to have better, more fruitful hospitality. Ways to teach our boys to serve at an early age. How to be content in all things. I'm learning at seminary too, even if I'm not taking "Doctrine of Human Nature". God is so good to humble me, and teach me alongside my husband. He is so gracious to provide for us during this time. He's merciful as He teaches me what it means to sit in the pew by myself with 2 wiggles as Joe preaches. He's infinitely wise, infinitely just, infinitely holy. His word is truth and a light to my path (Psalm 119). I'm learning from the man God placed as my head and enjoying Joe's company on the straight and narrow way.
Praise You Lord for what You have done these past 2+ years! It might not be exactly what Joe is learning, but we're a complimentary team, designed to do what we do and what we do together we do well, don't we?
September 9th begins our final year at seminary. A few Sundays ago, a team from a bible church in Ohio visited our church wanting to research the way other denominations worship and do urban outreach. While talking with one of the team members, she asked why we're in Pittsburgh (after finding out Joe and I grew up in the Midwest).
I simply said, "O! We're here for seminary!"
(Picking up on the "we") "You go to seminary too?"
"Well, no. But we're a team."
Even though it happened so recently, I think it tells of how these past 2+ years have gone. We came as a family of 3. Joe began classes, and I began figuring out what God wanted of me... as a wife, as a mother, as a person.
At first I looked for work because that was the only way I figured we could get insurance with my diabetes. I hated interviewing because what I truly wanted was to be at home with Judah. In one such interview, I was asked point blank, "what is your ideal job?" I didn't lie and tell them exactly what I had applied for, I just smiled and honestly told her, "A stay-at-home mom." I found out that that's what she wanted too, but couldn't do that at that point in her life. After that, I stopped applying places. I picked up a job cleaning one afternoon a week at our denominational publishing house across the street. I figured I felt truly called to be at home with our son, and why should I strive against it? God blessed us with insurance within a month of this decision, and He turned my hobby of graphic design into a job. First it was a book cover, then 3 new business clients all within our denomination. Then it was going by word-of-mouth with logos. God provided amply for us so that I could be at home. He even blessed us with another son, Levi, a year later! So as Judah got older and Levi thrived I began to understand better my role as mother. "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up" (Deut. 6:4-7). Joe and I work as a team in training our boys. I can't teach them what he can, and likewise he can't do what I can. When I begin to feel the curse of Eve and take over our boys like I'm the only one who knows how to parent, everyone suffers. In the words of Judah's favorite song by Buddy Davis, our marriage "is designed to do what it does do and what it does do it does do well, doesn't it?" Going against God's design for my life creates strife and craziness. And no one likes strife and craziness. Not to say His design is easy, but it IS perfect!
Our team work stretched itself into our second year, as we expected Levi right after presbytery exams and right before finals. And as we knew I'd most likely have a c-section, we also had to expect a long recovery for me. But God kept our ship afloat. Right on schedule, Joe passed his presbytery exams (license to preach!), Levi was born two weeks later (praise the Lord for bringing my parents in to watch Judah!), and 2 weeks after that Joe finished finals week. God provided meals, sorely needed rest during winter break (we didn't really have one during Thanksgiving break), and a blessed love between our boys from day 1. I'll admit, I prayed often for patience and energy. I could not get my head above water with being a seminary wife, mom of 2, helping at church, and leading weekly bible studies with other wives at the seminary. I was super-mom and I was seriously floundering. Why? Because I was relying on myself. "Such is the destiny of all who forget God; so perishes the hope of the godless. What they trust in is fragile; what they rely on is a spider’s web. They lean on the web, but it gives way; they cling to it, but it does not hold" (Job 8:13-15). Joe, my true leader, saw this and knew the cure. He got us on a daily bible reading plan and was my accountability partner. And being in God's word daily was exactly what was needed. It was hard at first to make it a habit, but now, I need it. I yearn for it. I love when God recalls things for me and helps me to see the beautiful plan He has made since Creation and before! God is so good. He also taught me the error of HOW I was praying. "God, I need patience." "I need energy." "I need wisdom." What I realized is that even though I'm asking for good things, I'm asking for them so that I can use them in the way I think I should use them. Did you see how many times I said "I"? So I began praying "God? Be my patience" cause God's way of being patience is infinitely better than mine. "God? Be my strength" cause all the strength I have is futile. God will always have enough of what I need. Isn't that amazing?
Beginning year 3 makes me look back on all God has taught me that I can bring to the team when we are called to the pastorate. People may think, "We're calling Joe," and it's true. I'm not gonna preach, even if Joe is sick suddenly Sunday morning and I know his sermon by heart. But we're a team. We come as a packaged family of 4, as I keep trying to explain to Judah. So God cultivated me alongside my husband during our time here. I learned how to run a bible study purely from scripture. I learned how to lead a bible/book study. I am learning what it means to "quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19). How to have better, more fruitful hospitality. Ways to teach our boys to serve at an early age. How to be content in all things. I'm learning at seminary too, even if I'm not taking "Doctrine of Human Nature". God is so good to humble me, and teach me alongside my husband. He is so gracious to provide for us during this time. He's merciful as He teaches me what it means to sit in the pew by myself with 2 wiggles as Joe preaches. He's infinitely wise, infinitely just, infinitely holy. His word is truth and a light to my path (Psalm 119). I'm learning from the man God placed as my head and enjoying Joe's company on the straight and narrow way.
Praise You Lord for what You have done these past 2+ years! It might not be exactly what Joe is learning, but we're a complimentary team, designed to do what we do and what we do together we do well, don't we?
Sunday, 5 May 2013
Three Convictions...
Conviction #1: Bible Reading
At the beginning of this year, Joe challenged us as a family to read through the bible in a year. Our family worship would consist of the New Testament readings and our personal devotions would be in the Old Testament. I've tried numerous times before to "read through in a year", but favoring the New Testament because it's easier to apply, I've always failed. That's why, at 27 years old and in a year going to be a pastor's wife, I haven't read through the entire bible. I think I've read most of it, excluding a few prophets, but never connected it all together and read through it like the book it is. I haven't devoured it like the life giving food it is, and most days in personal devotions I look at the amount I have to read and sigh because I have other matters to attend to. I think that's why the Lord is leading me through the Old Testament.
Israel was a rebellious nation. In the book of Hosea, God has His prophet marry a prostitute to give an illustration of what His relationship with His bride, the church/Israel, is like. They (we) are faithless, whoring after idols (gods in their case, money, materials, and people-pleasing in ours), always saying they'll be faithful, but the next chapter revealing they have turned once again away from the God of their Deliverance. The book of Judges begins and ends with telling how the people did what was right in their own eyes, and what happens because of that.
So, when I read through 1 Samuel, and see that the people have asked God, their Ruler, Deliverer, and Savior, for a king because they wanted someone to fight their battles for them (what?!), I can't help but stop after my readings and pray. God... I have been rebellious. I have forgotten that You fight my battles. I have tried to do things on my terms and by my abilities. Needless to say Lord, I failed. I couldn't even focus on You today, Your Sabbath day, because I was too distracted. I didn't seek after you. Please Lord, forgive me. Thank you Lord for Your Son, through whom I am redeemed and washed as white as snow. Thank you Lord that today we sang a psalm talking about how we are by faith assured of Your salvation (which of course is found in Christ). You are so good and merciful to remind me. Lord, You brought Saul before me in my readings. He wanted to rush through Your sacrifices. He wanted to get it done because he had things to do. So he didn't wait for Your servant Samuel to come and do it right. And for that he was rebuked by Samuel and his rule was prophesied to be shortened by the coming of David. God... forgive me my hastiness. My thinking that my things are more important than Yours. Again... You are good to humble me and set me back on the straight and narrow path. Keep me, in Christ, from turning to the right or to the left. Teach me to follow You so that I may walk in Your Way. Teach me to be more like Christ, who IS the Way, the Truth, and the Life. My King and Savior. Amen...
Conviction #2: The Poor and Needy
This doubled with today's sermon, did you ever think upon the fact that we will stand before the Judgement seat of God. That He will judge us for how we have walked. Because of Christ, we will not be burned in the fire and we will join Him in glory, but our deeds will still be looked at. I've felt the most convicted and feared God when I see people (most of them are men) on the side of the road with homeless signs. Now... I recognize that not all men are being honest, and that is for God to judge them, but they are seeking aid, and so I ask how I can give it. A few weeks back, it was a meal with a man named Tony who doesn't get anything to eat from 6am until almost 8pm. The man at the gas station, it was a quarter for bus fare. But one man stumped me. I saw him as I took the boys into Sam's with me, so we got an extra hot dog, chips, and water for him with the intention of handing it off as we passed. But when we got close with the car, and I stuck my head out to talk with hot dog and chips in hand, he said he couldn't eat flour, meat, etc. etc. because he had cancer but he was grateful for the water and dismissed me on my way. Okay... I thought the entire way home how I could have handled that better. How I could have offered to take him to get a salad, or brought him home and cooked for him as he showed me what he could and couldn't have. So when I was out that way again, and again I saw the same man at the same corner, I turned the car around so I could once again offer help since his sign said he needed it. Again, he went through what he couldn't eat, and so I offered to drive him to get a big salad (seemingly "okay" in his list of dietary restrictions). But he said that wasn't nutritious since it was only lettuce. Stumped, I saw him walk away after saying that, walk up to a truck that offered him money, and happily go and count it. Ah. It was the reminder of what my heart had been hardened so long against today's poor on the streets. I had met and read an article about a man in KC who sat outside of a bookstore downtown and begged for a living. His living did him so well, he took a yearly vacation to the Rockies for skiing. So how do you help in a world that doesn't know it's true need? You pray. You pray that your heart wouldn't be hardened. That you would have ample opportunities to share Christ, and help find work. I thought on how Cush4Christ, a mission in south Sudan, came not offer schools or food, but instead offered Christ and a work ethic that the people are beginning to thrive on. They were shown the resources they have at their disposal if they would just USE them.
I feel as though I should be armed with a list of shelters (for men and women), soup kitchens, and other services around the city. But then realize that the church should be giving those things. So instead, I need to be armed with the phone numbers of my church session, and secretary.
Dear Lord, keep me and my children safe as we minister. Lord, I know You go with us because You ask this of us in Your Word. What we do for these people, we do to You. Thank You for Your servants in Kokomo, Indiana who shared how You worked in their congregation to teach them how to care for the poor and needy around them. Help me to know better how to do it because You ask it of me. Amen...
Conviction #3: Taking a Call
As we're hitting our last 2 weeks of our 2nd year in seminary, I realize that as Joe goes out to preach at various places, we may be called anywhere this time next year. I weigh the various places that have (or will have) open pulpits. I think of the congregations themselves, I think of their distance proximity to our families, I think of their histories within the denomination, I think of the ministry opportunities they've sought in the past or could do in the future. I think... a lot. But one day, after Joe and I talked about a congregation, I realized that weighing all these things seemed wrong. Granted, I'm sure there are fits that are necessary between a pastor and his congregation (and I need to study and learn them BEFORE next year!), but aren't we called to administer the gospel everywhere? Jesus doesn't say to go where you feel more comfortable, or where you like the climate, or where you can be close to people you know. He just says to GO. So what's the difference if one place is urban and the other is rural? If one place is small and the other nearly ready to church plant it's brimming over? If one is a church plant and will take work and the other is established since the early 1900s? I need to be content wherever Joe is called because that is where the gospel in needed. That is a flock that needed a proxy-shepherd to the Good Shepherd, to lead them in His ways. Jesus went to the people wherever they were, and I shouldn't shield my family because one place is outside my comfort zone. I should rely upon God, and maybe get a big dog if necessary. God WILL provide, as He has always done so for us in the past. I needn't worry about insurance, finances, or security (well, I need to be a good steward of those things, but I don't have to worry about them) because God has and WILL care for His people wherever He places them. So the congregation that we go to this time next year will be just right, because God called us to them.
God, please be preparing our congregation for us. Open up their hearts to us and ours to them so that wherever You lead us it will be a fruitful ministry that fears You above all things and desires to give glory to Your name. Be preparing that congregation, whomever they may be, so that our names will already be in the back of their minds as a possibility, and may prepare us so that we may serve them as Your servants. Thank You Lord, for caring for our each and every need. I know with confidence that You will take care of this one perfectly, because You are perfect. You are just. You are faithful. Thank you Lord. Amen.
At the beginning of this year, Joe challenged us as a family to read through the bible in a year. Our family worship would consist of the New Testament readings and our personal devotions would be in the Old Testament. I've tried numerous times before to "read through in a year", but favoring the New Testament because it's easier to apply, I've always failed. That's why, at 27 years old and in a year going to be a pastor's wife, I haven't read through the entire bible. I think I've read most of it, excluding a few prophets, but never connected it all together and read through it like the book it is. I haven't devoured it like the life giving food it is, and most days in personal devotions I look at the amount I have to read and sigh because I have other matters to attend to. I think that's why the Lord is leading me through the Old Testament.
Israel was a rebellious nation. In the book of Hosea, God has His prophet marry a prostitute to give an illustration of what His relationship with His bride, the church/Israel, is like. They (we) are faithless, whoring after idols (gods in their case, money, materials, and people-pleasing in ours), always saying they'll be faithful, but the next chapter revealing they have turned once again away from the God of their Deliverance. The book of Judges begins and ends with telling how the people did what was right in their own eyes, and what happens because of that.
So, when I read through 1 Samuel, and see that the people have asked God, their Ruler, Deliverer, and Savior, for a king because they wanted someone to fight their battles for them (what?!), I can't help but stop after my readings and pray. God... I have been rebellious. I have forgotten that You fight my battles. I have tried to do things on my terms and by my abilities. Needless to say Lord, I failed. I couldn't even focus on You today, Your Sabbath day, because I was too distracted. I didn't seek after you. Please Lord, forgive me. Thank you Lord for Your Son, through whom I am redeemed and washed as white as snow. Thank you Lord that today we sang a psalm talking about how we are by faith assured of Your salvation (which of course is found in Christ). You are so good and merciful to remind me. Lord, You brought Saul before me in my readings. He wanted to rush through Your sacrifices. He wanted to get it done because he had things to do. So he didn't wait for Your servant Samuel to come and do it right. And for that he was rebuked by Samuel and his rule was prophesied to be shortened by the coming of David. God... forgive me my hastiness. My thinking that my things are more important than Yours. Again... You are good to humble me and set me back on the straight and narrow path. Keep me, in Christ, from turning to the right or to the left. Teach me to follow You so that I may walk in Your Way. Teach me to be more like Christ, who IS the Way, the Truth, and the Life. My King and Savior. Amen...
Conviction #2: The Poor and Needy
This doubled with today's sermon, did you ever think upon the fact that we will stand before the Judgement seat of God. That He will judge us for how we have walked. Because of Christ, we will not be burned in the fire and we will join Him in glory, but our deeds will still be looked at. I've felt the most convicted and feared God when I see people (most of them are men) on the side of the road with homeless signs. Now... I recognize that not all men are being honest, and that is for God to judge them, but they are seeking aid, and so I ask how I can give it. A few weeks back, it was a meal with a man named Tony who doesn't get anything to eat from 6am until almost 8pm. The man at the gas station, it was a quarter for bus fare. But one man stumped me. I saw him as I took the boys into Sam's with me, so we got an extra hot dog, chips, and water for him with the intention of handing it off as we passed. But when we got close with the car, and I stuck my head out to talk with hot dog and chips in hand, he said he couldn't eat flour, meat, etc. etc. because he had cancer but he was grateful for the water and dismissed me on my way. Okay... I thought the entire way home how I could have handled that better. How I could have offered to take him to get a salad, or brought him home and cooked for him as he showed me what he could and couldn't have. So when I was out that way again, and again I saw the same man at the same corner, I turned the car around so I could once again offer help since his sign said he needed it. Again, he went through what he couldn't eat, and so I offered to drive him to get a big salad (seemingly "okay" in his list of dietary restrictions). But he said that wasn't nutritious since it was only lettuce. Stumped, I saw him walk away after saying that, walk up to a truck that offered him money, and happily go and count it. Ah. It was the reminder of what my heart had been hardened so long against today's poor on the streets. I had met and read an article about a man in KC who sat outside of a bookstore downtown and begged for a living. His living did him so well, he took a yearly vacation to the Rockies for skiing. So how do you help in a world that doesn't know it's true need? You pray. You pray that your heart wouldn't be hardened. That you would have ample opportunities to share Christ, and help find work. I thought on how Cush4Christ, a mission in south Sudan, came not offer schools or food, but instead offered Christ and a work ethic that the people are beginning to thrive on. They were shown the resources they have at their disposal if they would just USE them.
I feel as though I should be armed with a list of shelters (for men and women), soup kitchens, and other services around the city. But then realize that the church should be giving those things. So instead, I need to be armed with the phone numbers of my church session, and secretary.
Dear Lord, keep me and my children safe as we minister. Lord, I know You go with us because You ask this of us in Your Word. What we do for these people, we do to You. Thank You for Your servants in Kokomo, Indiana who shared how You worked in their congregation to teach them how to care for the poor and needy around them. Help me to know better how to do it because You ask it of me. Amen...
Conviction #3: Taking a Call
As we're hitting our last 2 weeks of our 2nd year in seminary, I realize that as Joe goes out to preach at various places, we may be called anywhere this time next year. I weigh the various places that have (or will have) open pulpits. I think of the congregations themselves, I think of their distance proximity to our families, I think of their histories within the denomination, I think of the ministry opportunities they've sought in the past or could do in the future. I think... a lot. But one day, after Joe and I talked about a congregation, I realized that weighing all these things seemed wrong. Granted, I'm sure there are fits that are necessary between a pastor and his congregation (and I need to study and learn them BEFORE next year!), but aren't we called to administer the gospel everywhere? Jesus doesn't say to go where you feel more comfortable, or where you like the climate, or where you can be close to people you know. He just says to GO. So what's the difference if one place is urban and the other is rural? If one place is small and the other nearly ready to church plant it's brimming over? If one is a church plant and will take work and the other is established since the early 1900s? I need to be content wherever Joe is called because that is where the gospel in needed. That is a flock that needed a proxy-shepherd to the Good Shepherd, to lead them in His ways. Jesus went to the people wherever they were, and I shouldn't shield my family because one place is outside my comfort zone. I should rely upon God, and maybe get a big dog if necessary. God WILL provide, as He has always done so for us in the past. I needn't worry about insurance, finances, or security (well, I need to be a good steward of those things, but I don't have to worry about them) because God has and WILL care for His people wherever He places them. So the congregation that we go to this time next year will be just right, because God called us to them.
God, please be preparing our congregation for us. Open up their hearts to us and ours to them so that wherever You lead us it will be a fruitful ministry that fears You above all things and desires to give glory to Your name. Be preparing that congregation, whomever they may be, so that our names will already be in the back of their minds as a possibility, and may prepare us so that we may serve them as Your servants. Thank You Lord, for caring for our each and every need. I know with confidence that You will take care of this one perfectly, because You are perfect. You are just. You are faithful. Thank you Lord. Amen.
Monday, 28 January 2013
The Unknown
Well... an early morning is here again, and as usual, inability to go back to bed affords time to blog. My mind is racing with things I want to do before Judah or Levi wake up, which means I find myself in the middle of one thing and realize I was doing another. My brain is in a fog, but not of tiredness. I'm wired. I drink decaf coffee, maybe with an occasional flavoring of 1/4 caffeinated. So coffee isn't the excuse. I'm just overwhelmed with thinking lately.
Our little family has reached the "over half way done" mark of seminary, and the future looms ahead. Where will we end up? What's left to do? What SHOULD we (or I mainly) do before seminary's over? How are our finances? Will they hold steady for another year? What can we cut back on? What should we go ahead and do? Judah's getting older. What should we be starting with him? Is 15-30 minutes of school time enough each day? Levi's getting bigger. What should I be doing to make sure he's developing on track? What did Judah do at this age? Joe's got a lot on his plate. What can I be doing better at home to make sure he can do all that he needs to do?
Seriously. My mind is everywhere. I find myself often staring at our map of the RPCNA US churches (which was created in 2010 or 2011 and is no longer up to date) and going over and over in my head where empty pulpits are. Where church plants are being made. Where church plants are being researched. The unknown is daunting. Will we be on the west coast where things are growing and exciting? The east coast/eastern Midwest where some pulpits have been empty for a while and need nurturing or will be opening up soon? The Midwest where faces are a bit more familiar and family is closer? Then I find myself thinking, "Well... I can't do much. Joe will have to preach at those various places, pass "license to receive a call exams", and then candidate." Then I realize it goes beyond that. We can't do anything without God's pre-ordaining it.
And that's where peace can be found. "... the Lord is at hand, do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:5b-7). He's taking care of it. Not just a small portion either. All of it. Down to Judah's future potty-training skills. He's got it covered.
"Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart... But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness" (Eph. 4:17-24).
Our little family has reached the "over half way done" mark of seminary, and the future looms ahead. Where will we end up? What's left to do? What SHOULD we (or I mainly) do before seminary's over? How are our finances? Will they hold steady for another year? What can we cut back on? What should we go ahead and do? Judah's getting older. What should we be starting with him? Is 15-30 minutes of school time enough each day? Levi's getting bigger. What should I be doing to make sure he's developing on track? What did Judah do at this age? Joe's got a lot on his plate. What can I be doing better at home to make sure he can do all that he needs to do?
Seriously. My mind is everywhere. I find myself often staring at our map of the RPCNA US churches (which was created in 2010 or 2011 and is no longer up to date) and going over and over in my head where empty pulpits are. Where church plants are being made. Where church plants are being researched. The unknown is daunting. Will we be on the west coast where things are growing and exciting? The east coast/eastern Midwest where some pulpits have been empty for a while and need nurturing or will be opening up soon? The Midwest where faces are a bit more familiar and family is closer? Then I find myself thinking, "Well... I can't do much. Joe will have to preach at those various places, pass "license to receive a call exams", and then candidate." Then I realize it goes beyond that. We can't do anything without God's pre-ordaining it.
And that's where peace can be found. "... the Lord is at hand, do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:5b-7). He's taking care of it. Not just a small portion either. All of it. Down to Judah's future potty-training skills. He's got it covered.
"Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart... But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness" (Eph. 4:17-24).
God has called me to "put off and put on", to trust fully in Him and keep my focus on eternity knowing He will lay every stepping stone perfectly before me. And further more, He will give me the strength to do it. I could cry in relief right now. "He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord" (Psalm 40:3). Praise the Lord!
Tuesday, 4 December 2012
Out of... Wherever...
To me... there's no such thing as a severe diabetic. There's diabetic. And not diabetic. Granted, some do better on a schedule, and some dangerously fly by the seat of their pants. But that's another discussion. Post-maternity, it is difficult to get a handle on it. Nursing makes you low, and then exercising in general only adds to it. I joked with my endocrinologist (diabetes specialist) that having children is the cure for diabetes because I hardly needed (or need now post-Levi) any insulin!
This afternoon I "woke up" on the couch. I say "wake up" because I was probably talking or at least laying with my eyes open for some time before I was conscious of it. I remember sugar water, Joe and I's cheap form of juice when we're out. And I have a splitting headache from the surreal effect I had of the low- everything shifting slightly right. If that "sight" doesn't give you a headache, I don't know what does. I remember feeding Levi, and Judah not listening to Joe as he raced around the apartment. I remember Joe reading. Thankfully, I remember laying Levi down in his bed, thinking "I'll see you around 4pm!" But everything is mixed up and mashed. No clear order to the memories, just knowledge that they happened.
I can assure you, for me, nothing is more fearful than the "wake up" and knowing children were in the mix. Where's Judah? Where's Levi? Is Levi okay? Is Judah okay? Then ask again for assurance. Maybe a third time. Then shed tears of joy that they are safe, and then tears of fear that they needed to be safe from me. I remember when we were in the hospital with Judah, he was just 2 or 3 days old when I had a bad low. I "woke up" eating and sitting in the bed and very unsure of my surroundings. I knew Judah was mine, but I didn't remember the c-section. So I eyed him with fear thinking, "they are entrusting this little man to me?! I'm not even sure he's mine!" When Judah was 2, I "woke up" with Judah and Joe at my bedside, Joe having given me sugar during my low. They walked me downstairs to the dining room table to eat something, Judah holding my hand tight. I eyed him then too, thinking, "he's mine?" I cannot explain how fearful it is to realize you have children, and you just had a low black out. You want to check on them every few minutes afterwards to be sure they've survived YOUR low. And then praise God they're alive.
That said, I have never been alone when any of this happens. Someone (normally Joe) has always ALWAYS been there. God foreordained that in my incredible weakness, my husband would be there, before we had kids and now that we have 2. My least favorite non-Joe rescue was Costco, pre-children. I ran to get a few things and could feel myself going low while pushing the cart around. I decided I could make it, buy a soda, sit for a bit to regain myself, and be fine. But the Lord humbled me greatly by sitting me down mid-isle, so close to being done, and had me sobbing to a random woman, "really... I'm okay... I'm diabetic... I need a soda or sugar please." She ran for the manager (either believing my story or thinking me drunk), and by God's grace his daughter was diabetic and he knew just what to do. It took me 2 months before I set foot in that Costco again I was so embarrassed. But in my shame, I am humbled and beyond grateful never to be alone. Other than that time, lows for me normally swoop in like a bat in the night, unseen and unheard, just waiting and lurking around the corner. There's a reason why my doctor in KS highly recommended a glucose sensor for me, that my insurance here in PA doesn't allow. I don't feel my lows til I'm ridiculously low, like low 50s, 40s, sometimes an unlucky 30 something (to give you an idea, I'm supposed to be between 70-120). I remember being 29 once and talking to Joe like nothing happened, never blacking out, never feeling it until I noticed my vision was blurred slightly. Even now, coming up from a low, my vision is blurred slightly. Within the past year, double vision and going cross-eyed has been a fun new symptom for me. Praise the Lord for a clear outward sign that my husband can see.
I apologize for the rant (that's what blogs are for right?). I just wanted to give those who don't know about diabetes a "taste" of lows. Because my blood sugars have been so tightly controlled, I can feel a high blood sugar when I'm just 150 or 170. So for me, lows have always been more dangerous. Like I said, they just kind of come out of... wherever they come from.
This afternoon I "woke up" on the couch. I say "wake up" because I was probably talking or at least laying with my eyes open for some time before I was conscious of it. I remember sugar water, Joe and I's cheap form of juice when we're out. And I have a splitting headache from the surreal effect I had of the low- everything shifting slightly right. If that "sight" doesn't give you a headache, I don't know what does. I remember feeding Levi, and Judah not listening to Joe as he raced around the apartment. I remember Joe reading. Thankfully, I remember laying Levi down in his bed, thinking "I'll see you around 4pm!" But everything is mixed up and mashed. No clear order to the memories, just knowledge that they happened.
I can assure you, for me, nothing is more fearful than the "wake up" and knowing children were in the mix. Where's Judah? Where's Levi? Is Levi okay? Is Judah okay? Then ask again for assurance. Maybe a third time. Then shed tears of joy that they are safe, and then tears of fear that they needed to be safe from me. I remember when we were in the hospital with Judah, he was just 2 or 3 days old when I had a bad low. I "woke up" eating and sitting in the bed and very unsure of my surroundings. I knew Judah was mine, but I didn't remember the c-section. So I eyed him with fear thinking, "they are entrusting this little man to me?! I'm not even sure he's mine!" When Judah was 2, I "woke up" with Judah and Joe at my bedside, Joe having given me sugar during my low. They walked me downstairs to the dining room table to eat something, Judah holding my hand tight. I eyed him then too, thinking, "he's mine?" I cannot explain how fearful it is to realize you have children, and you just had a low black out. You want to check on them every few minutes afterwards to be sure they've survived YOUR low. And then praise God they're alive.
That said, I have never been alone when any of this happens. Someone (normally Joe) has always ALWAYS been there. God foreordained that in my incredible weakness, my husband would be there, before we had kids and now that we have 2. My least favorite non-Joe rescue was Costco, pre-children. I ran to get a few things and could feel myself going low while pushing the cart around. I decided I could make it, buy a soda, sit for a bit to regain myself, and be fine. But the Lord humbled me greatly by sitting me down mid-isle, so close to being done, and had me sobbing to a random woman, "really... I'm okay... I'm diabetic... I need a soda or sugar please." She ran for the manager (either believing my story or thinking me drunk), and by God's grace his daughter was diabetic and he knew just what to do. It took me 2 months before I set foot in that Costco again I was so embarrassed. But in my shame, I am humbled and beyond grateful never to be alone. Other than that time, lows for me normally swoop in like a bat in the night, unseen and unheard, just waiting and lurking around the corner. There's a reason why my doctor in KS highly recommended a glucose sensor for me, that my insurance here in PA doesn't allow. I don't feel my lows til I'm ridiculously low, like low 50s, 40s, sometimes an unlucky 30 something (to give you an idea, I'm supposed to be between 70-120). I remember being 29 once and talking to Joe like nothing happened, never blacking out, never feeling it until I noticed my vision was blurred slightly. Even now, coming up from a low, my vision is blurred slightly. Within the past year, double vision and going cross-eyed has been a fun new symptom for me. Praise the Lord for a clear outward sign that my husband can see.
I apologize for the rant (that's what blogs are for right?). I just wanted to give those who don't know about diabetes a "taste" of lows. Because my blood sugars have been so tightly controlled, I can feel a high blood sugar when I'm just 150 or 170. So for me, lows have always been more dangerous. Like I said, they just kind of come out of... wherever they come from.
Sunday, 7 October 2012
Refocus...
Often when I feel I'm veering off track, I refocus with strict black and white lines. I'm harsh on what I do and have a "take no prisoners" attitude. Burn out from this kind of refocusing comes quickly. I fall back into bad habits with a sense of comfort in mind, and I drift to the wayside once more.
As we prepare for the birth of our second son, I'm realizing what I haven't been doing with our first. God calls me to train Judah up in His ways (Eph. 6:4). To teach him diligently and talk with him about the matters of God daily (Deut 4:6-7). Lately, I've had a good day if I was consistent with him in discipline, not even getting close to in depth conversations. I find it hard to focus on Christ in my daily grind. Instead, my mind is churning out the next to-do, what needs to get done each day, and how I can incorporate some fun for Judah a midst it all. But where's my focus? I'm Martha in the kitchen and not Mary at Jesus' feet (Luke 10:38-42). But I can't stop what I'm doing. I can't push aside all dishes and laundry, letting the house and child my husband entrusted to me while he's in class become buried and neglected. How can I change my focus to a Christ-centered life without throwing the toddler out with the bathwater?
The Proverbs 31 woman (found in Proverbs 31:10-31) does it all. She's a diligent worker for her household. She's praised by her husband and children. She's intelligent, frugal (but generous), and careful (but not unwilling to stick her neck out). But why is she all these things? What is her foundation that causes her to be fruitful in all she does? "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" (vrs. 30). She fears God. She is generous because she knows God has given her much and calls her to give of herself to others. She's wise with her possessions and household because God calls her to good stewardship. She doesn't worry about the future because she trusts in the Lord to care for her and her family. She is the focused housewife, and she is called a rare jewel because of it.
In my mind, she does it all without stopping idly because she's focused on God DURING it all. For example, I wash dishes 3+ times a day. Takes me 10 minutes or less (depending on the meal). What if, instead of idly letting my mind wander or even letting it complain about the chore, I sang psalms? What if while I ironed instead of grumpily thinking Joe wears too many button-down oxfords, I thought over that week's sermon? What if while I went up and down the steep basement stairs doing laundry I reminded myself of memory verses that remind my heart of the reason I should have joy in suffering? When I go to my bi-weekly NST's (non-stress tests/aka fetal monitoring) what if I prayed in the car or in the recliner they put me in? My heart would be ready. It would be guarded and at peace when times of trial come. And I would continue to work, to enjoy time with Judah (and soon his brother too!), and still run a tight ship. I would be ready with verses when loved ones ask for counsel. I wouldn't feel like an impostor when I come to bible study seemingly steeped in the Word when really I just worked on it yesterday. My worn bible would be a little more lovingly worn and my Psalter would stop looking new and have water-stains on it from being too close to the sink when I was washing dishes. Judah would understand a bit more as he grows what makes mommy tick instead of me assuming he understands it all.
This kind of refocusing is joyful, and doesn't burn out quick like a firecracker. It doesn't leave room for guilt because I didn't get my 10 minutes with God today cause I chose to do laundry during naptime. God is eternally with me. I can't just come to Him whenever I feel like it because God is EVERYWHERE at ALL TIMES. I can't place Him in a keepsake box and take Him out when I have time and put Him back in when I'm done so I can work. He is in my work. He is in my actions. When I call myself a Christian, I am an ambassador for the Lord in ALL that I do, even if I don't leave the house that day. So, I need to refocus, but not in a harsh legalistic way. This refocusing is one that lets God seep into all matters of my life, so that like a tree by the river I am fruitful because I fear and trust in the Lord (Psalm 1:3).
As we prepare for the birth of our second son, I'm realizing what I haven't been doing with our first. God calls me to train Judah up in His ways (Eph. 6:4). To teach him diligently and talk with him about the matters of God daily (Deut 4:6-7). Lately, I've had a good day if I was consistent with him in discipline, not even getting close to in depth conversations. I find it hard to focus on Christ in my daily grind. Instead, my mind is churning out the next to-do, what needs to get done each day, and how I can incorporate some fun for Judah a midst it all. But where's my focus? I'm Martha in the kitchen and not Mary at Jesus' feet (Luke 10:38-42). But I can't stop what I'm doing. I can't push aside all dishes and laundry, letting the house and child my husband entrusted to me while he's in class become buried and neglected. How can I change my focus to a Christ-centered life without throwing the toddler out with the bathwater?
The Proverbs 31 woman (found in Proverbs 31:10-31) does it all. She's a diligent worker for her household. She's praised by her husband and children. She's intelligent, frugal (but generous), and careful (but not unwilling to stick her neck out). But why is she all these things? What is her foundation that causes her to be fruitful in all she does? "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" (vrs. 30). She fears God. She is generous because she knows God has given her much and calls her to give of herself to others. She's wise with her possessions and household because God calls her to good stewardship. She doesn't worry about the future because she trusts in the Lord to care for her and her family. She is the focused housewife, and she is called a rare jewel because of it.
In my mind, she does it all without stopping idly because she's focused on God DURING it all. For example, I wash dishes 3+ times a day. Takes me 10 minutes or less (depending on the meal). What if, instead of idly letting my mind wander or even letting it complain about the chore, I sang psalms? What if while I ironed instead of grumpily thinking Joe wears too many button-down oxfords, I thought over that week's sermon? What if while I went up and down the steep basement stairs doing laundry I reminded myself of memory verses that remind my heart of the reason I should have joy in suffering? When I go to my bi-weekly NST's (non-stress tests/aka fetal monitoring) what if I prayed in the car or in the recliner they put me in? My heart would be ready. It would be guarded and at peace when times of trial come. And I would continue to work, to enjoy time with Judah (and soon his brother too!), and still run a tight ship. I would be ready with verses when loved ones ask for counsel. I wouldn't feel like an impostor when I come to bible study seemingly steeped in the Word when really I just worked on it yesterday. My worn bible would be a little more lovingly worn and my Psalter would stop looking new and have water-stains on it from being too close to the sink when I was washing dishes. Judah would understand a bit more as he grows what makes mommy tick instead of me assuming he understands it all.
This kind of refocusing is joyful, and doesn't burn out quick like a firecracker. It doesn't leave room for guilt because I didn't get my 10 minutes with God today cause I chose to do laundry during naptime. God is eternally with me. I can't just come to Him whenever I feel like it because God is EVERYWHERE at ALL TIMES. I can't place Him in a keepsake box and take Him out when I have time and put Him back in when I'm done so I can work. He is in my work. He is in my actions. When I call myself a Christian, I am an ambassador for the Lord in ALL that I do, even if I don't leave the house that day. So, I need to refocus, but not in a harsh legalistic way. This refocusing is one that lets God seep into all matters of my life, so that like a tree by the river I am fruitful because I fear and trust in the Lord (Psalm 1:3).
Friday, 21 September 2012
Adventuresome Cooking...
I'll preface quickly with the fact that I'm not a "foodie", a "gourmet", or any other fancy name for loving cooking and wishing I could do it all day. In fact, when it comes to cooking, I'm often staring at my full fridge thinking I can't make anything. Baking on the other hand... Baking I always have the time, energy, and ingredients for.
But this summer, I decided I needed to change my mindset. Our family, at this point in life, eats 3 meals a day together. That's correct: breakfast, lunch, and dinner are had around our table, situated in the corner of our kitchen, everyday. Our son is 2, so we don't have sports or lesson schedules to compete with. We have a hot breakfast (except Sundays when we eat cereal), normally a small lunch of sandwich/raw veggie/fruit, and then a hot dinner that mommy tries not to start making past 4:30pm so it can be ready by 5:30 or 6pm. That's our life at the moment. So instead of grumbling, this summer I took action.
We spent the summer away from home at an internship, and I came with my Betty Crocker cookbook in tow. The one that I received 5 years ago from my sister at our wedding and now has pages glued together from use. But really, only in the baking sections. I came determined. This summer, I spent each week planning meals. Looking for things I've never tried or made before. I'll admit, the resident 2 year old missed the tried and true things (which we still enjoyed occasionally). But my goal was to open up my repertoire of cooking from a few pages containing mainly simple Italian, slightly Asian, and American dishes to Moroccan, Italy that we've never had before, French, etc. Things that would take thinking to do when we were at the grocery store, and a little more prep. I'm not talking about spending the day in the kitchen (cause what mom, or non-chef can do that?). I'm just talking about spending a bit more time consciously thinking about dinner. That was my goal.
Since coming back home, I'm less afraid of random vegetables I see on sale that I've never cooked before. I understand what meats work better with what meal. I better comprehend how to mix and match multiple Nationalities into one meal. I became adventuresome. And in the midst of this, I've come to appreciate cooking more, feel more comfortable doing it, and I even think Judah likes all of mommy's "dishshush" dinners. Who knew American 2 year olds could like spicy food (he has a special place in his heart for all things curried)?
So I invite you to share your adventuresome side! What are your recent discoveries that are now a family favorite (like butternut squash has become for our family)?
But this summer, I decided I needed to change my mindset. Our family, at this point in life, eats 3 meals a day together. That's correct: breakfast, lunch, and dinner are had around our table, situated in the corner of our kitchen, everyday. Our son is 2, so we don't have sports or lesson schedules to compete with. We have a hot breakfast (except Sundays when we eat cereal), normally a small lunch of sandwich/raw veggie/fruit, and then a hot dinner that mommy tries not to start making past 4:30pm so it can be ready by 5:30 or 6pm. That's our life at the moment. So instead of grumbling, this summer I took action.
We spent the summer away from home at an internship, and I came with my Betty Crocker cookbook in tow. The one that I received 5 years ago from my sister at our wedding and now has pages glued together from use. But really, only in the baking sections. I came determined. This summer, I spent each week planning meals. Looking for things I've never tried or made before. I'll admit, the resident 2 year old missed the tried and true things (which we still enjoyed occasionally). But my goal was to open up my repertoire of cooking from a few pages containing mainly simple Italian, slightly Asian, and American dishes to Moroccan, Italy that we've never had before, French, etc. Things that would take thinking to do when we were at the grocery store, and a little more prep. I'm not talking about spending the day in the kitchen (cause what mom, or non-chef can do that?). I'm just talking about spending a bit more time consciously thinking about dinner. That was my goal.
Since coming back home, I'm less afraid of random vegetables I see on sale that I've never cooked before. I understand what meats work better with what meal. I better comprehend how to mix and match multiple Nationalities into one meal. I became adventuresome. And in the midst of this, I've come to appreciate cooking more, feel more comfortable doing it, and I even think Judah likes all of mommy's "dishshush" dinners. Who knew American 2 year olds could like spicy food (he has a special place in his heart for all things curried)?
So I invite you to share your adventuresome side! What are your recent discoveries that are now a family favorite (like butternut squash has become for our family)?
Friday, 3 August 2012
My Testimony...
“Now
he had not run far from his own door, but his wife and children,
perceiving it, began to cry after him to return; but the Man put his
fingers in his ears, and ran on, crying 'Life! Life! Eternal Life!'
So he looked not behind him, but fled...”-Pilgrim's Progress
When I am blessed to
hear the testimony of how others came to Christ, many times they
begin, “It wasn't this big 'A ha!' moment.” Almost immediately I
think, “Mine was.” It was like an orchestra quietly building
momentum until they broke forth in beautiful harmonic release. Often
when describing it to others, I'll say, “Every thing was muddy and
contradictory, and suddenly it became black and white with clarity.”
As time has past, my mind has filled with clouded memories of tears
shed when God was asking my life of me and asking me to completely
trust in Christ, but at the same time feeling incredible joy that He
did ask it of me.
I grew up within a
loving Roman Catholic family. I was put into the best of schools, and
sent off to college like my siblings. But something was always
missing. I would try to occasionally read the Bible, but it didn't
make sense. I would end up pulling out random verses that seemed to
fit together and read only of God's love; never His wrath. High
school had been a difficult, rebellious time, and only at the end of
it did I see where my sins had led me. College was a time to try
again, to pull up my boot-straps and be a better daughter. For a
moment, I thought about becoming a nun. Instead, I got over-involved
in student government, delightfully drowned in my school books,
justified the occasional uncomfortably crowded party as “the
college experience”, and was determined that I could do anything.
“The way of the fool is right in his own eyes...” (Proverbs
12:15) or in this case, her own
eyes. But the Lord was (and is) good to mercifully
humble me, showing me my error and what was true.
I
met Joe Allyn at the age of 20. I was a sophomore at the University
of Missouri-Columbia, and he was a senior. At the time, I had been
going to evening mass on Sundays on and off, dependent on my
workload. Looking back, I was comfortably stuck in my sins. On my
list of things to do, time with God wasn't even on the radar, and
late nights procrastinating on papers with friends was common. As Joe
and I began to get to know one another, he began inviting me to
Reformed University Fellowship (RUF, a campus ministry of the PCA).
He was cute. I thought I'd give it a try. He even lent me a Bible
since my own Catholic Youth Bible sat in my parents' home gathering
dust. At first, I didn't know what to think. If what the RUF campus
minister preached
was true, I didn't
really know what Christ did for me at all. I was trying to build my
own way to heaven, when Christ had already done it for me. Those
first few months, I had so many questions. I turned to my uncle, a
Roman Catholic priest, for answers, but all I received back was
things akin to “The Catholic church is the only way.” But what
about Christ? He said Himself, “I am THE way, THE truth, THE life.
No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6, emphasis
mine). And God says in the 10 commandments, “You shall have no
other gods before me,” At that time in my life, what was Mary, the
mother of Jesus, to me? I had placed her in Jesus' place as eternal
mediator and was asking her to ask her Son to ask His Father to
answer my prayers. The same with various 'Saints'. I met Joe in
October of 2005 and by March of 2006, I felt like my world was
unraveling.
I
knew in my heart that God was calling me to put my faith in Christ
alone and become a Christian. Often I'd find myself crying on Joe's
shoulder about the pain that I would cause my family, especially my
parents, if I left Catholicism. At the same time I was so joyful that
God was opening my eyes to His truth. Joe was patient. Sundays were
now days of research, going with Joe to his church for morning
service and going to mass at night. We'd sit down late Sunday night
and talk about the differences, pulling out Scripture to see what God
said about His desire for His worship. Slowly, like a building
orchestra, these things gained momentum. I asked my parents if I
could go to Memphis, TN for spring break with RUF for a mission trip
within the inner-city. That trip, in so many ways, solidified two
things for me. That working for Christ and God's kingdom was the way
I wanted to live, and that I loved Joseph Charles Allyn. He felt the
same, so much so that he yelled it off the roof top of Memphis'
Historic Peabody Hotel. I came home from that trip so overjoyed, but
again,
I was humbled by the trials that laid ahead of me.
After
working with an inner-city couple on their roach infested kitchen
that was rotting away, coming home to luxury felt wrong. Not giving
up comforts for the sake of others felt wrong. Everything felt...
wrong. God was working in my heart, preparing me for the road that
lay ahead. When
I came home I searched the Scriptures for everything I had been
taught, and only a portion was there. I remember around Easter time,
talking with my friends about Veronica, the woman who wiped Jesus'
face during the journey to Golgotha. My friend Sarah blankly said,
“Who?”
“Veronica.
You know that lady who came out of the crowd and wiped Jesus' face.
And in return He left an imprint of His image on it.”
“What
gospel is that in?”
“I
don't know. Let's look!” And as we paged through the 4 gospels'
intertwining tale of Christ's crucifixion, I looked and couldn't find
Veronica. Later that day, I looked it up online to search the Bible
for Veronica, but only to find there were no women with that name in
God's Holy Word. It continued like that with many things. With Mary,
with various 'Saints' (like Mary's mother, Anne and the supposed
immaculate conception), with stories that I was told in school. At
first, it was heart-breaking, but then I grew more and more hungry
for what God's Word DID say.
That
May I went on the RUF summer conference trip down to the sunny
pan-handle of Florida's beaches. Joe wasn't going, so it was healthy
time to be apart and time for me to grow in Christ with the women I
was with. God used the waves of the gulf to wash over me, calming my
anxieties. He gave me a week of good preaching and teaching to learn
what He desired of me. Then, the moment I consider my “A ha!”
moment
happened. One night we were singing the hymn “On Jordan's Stormy
Banks” (by Samuel
Stennett)
and everything just clicked with the chorus: I
am bound, I am bound, I am bound for the promised land.
Wait... What? I am bound for the promised land? My mind raced with
the implications. If Christ died so that I may have life, if I
profess with my mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in my heart that
He is risen and reigning... If I'm not working my way to heaven
because Christ already paved the way for me... then I AM bound for
the promised land! I asked my friend Allie afterward if this was
true. “Are we really bound for the promised land?” She looked at
me with questioning eyes like, “yeah, Maggie.” The
free offer of the gospel seemed too good to be true. I
called Joe and asked him, too, and shouting excitedly to him over the
phone “I am bound for the promised land!” Looking out that night
over the vast ocean, with crashing waves, endless starry skies, and
seemingly endless warm beaches, I could do nothing but weep silently
for joy and praise God for what He had shown me. God had removed my
heart of stone and had given me a heart of flesh, washed in the blood
of Christ.
The
next morning I called my mom and told her I was a Christian. I don't
remember everything from that conversation, but I remember that it
was difficult. I think I understand my mom's side better now that we
have a son, as the child that she lovingly raised denounced what she
taught her. It was rough for both of us. I then officially joined
Redeemer Presbyterian Church in Columbia, MO, and my life continued
to change dramatically. I was more aware of my surroundings, what
people were doing, what some were asking of me, what I often would
allow and could never again. By calling myself a Christian, I was a
daughter of the living God, an ambassador to my friends and family.
My life needed to change, and by God's grace and mercy, it did.
Since
then, Joe and I got married (June 30, 2007). We had our son Judah
Knox 3 years later, which was by God's grace and mercy. I've had
diabetes since I was 2 ½, and having a child isn't something many
diabetics even think about because of the risks of birth defects. But
God is so good and so merciful because in April of 2010 our first son
was born to us, beautiful and healthy. Since that day on the beach,
I've learned so much. Too much to share in a small article. Most days
I sit stunned at how God is working and can't help but praise Him.
Other days I wonder what He's doing, but take comfort in knowing that
God's working all things for His glory and our good. One of those
days was when I moved to Shawnee, KS to join my new husband, and
after going through a list of PCA churches, began attending a RPCNA
church that became home to us. The people there became our family, or
“church family” as we lovingly call them. Although we
had the joy of worshipping and serving among them, they
blessed us beyond measure. As
we came to know the congregation there and took
to heart the distinctives of the RPCNA, it felt like the differences
between my family and I only continued to grow. But like I did as I
sat crying in Joe's dorm fearful of the pain I may cause, I found
comfort in Jesus' words found in Matthew:
“Do not
think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come
to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his
father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law
against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of
his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not
worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not
worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is
not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever
loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 10:34-39).
I
don't hate my family and friends by any means, but I love Christ
more. I ran like Christian in Pilgrim's Progress, fleeing and crying
out “Life! Life! Eternal Life!” Often I have prayed that my
family and friends would run to the wicket gate with me, that they
too would flee from a life outside of Christ and to the life that
He's given me. My heart still aches for the apathy others have shown
for what I have gained. Many have asked me, “Why? Isn't it easier
to just do... whatever?” Yes. It is. But its not what He desires of
me, nor what I desire. It's always easier to do the thing you've been
doing since birth. But when you aren't of this world, and the world
is trying to conform you to it's image; when Satan is using guilt
trips against you to pull you down into the mire, that makes trying
to do the right thing painful sometimes. It makes you feel shame for
following Christ, shame for doing what God Almighty is asking of you.
I think of my first Easter after I accepted Christ alone as my Lord
and Savior. Joe and I came home to attend Friday night services with
my parents. There was a general call for people to come up and kiss
“Jesus' feet” (in other words the feet of a statue of Christ
crucified). As my parents went up, I stayed in the pew watching them.
While I was silently crying and praying that my parents wouldn't go
and kiss an idol's feet, my mom was silently crying that I didn't go
with them. My heart cries out during these times, “How long O Lord?
I don't think my feet can run this race much longer.” But the
Father, in His loving patience, gives me strength. He comforts, and
takes the shame away with His promises. His Word is the greatest
comfort. But then I look at those I left behind and still wonder,
“How long O Lord? How long until they join me in Your courts?”
For I long for the day when my friends and family would join me in
the joy of the gospel.
Yes.
It is easier to do what is... well... easy. But Christ gave His life
so that I could live. Why would I want to give Him anything less that
all of me?
God
is working mightily in our small family. Joe is in seminary at RPTS
now, and I delight in serving him in this new capacity. God has
stretch me in so many way in the past few years. We've moved 3 times
since we were married, which doesn't sound like a lot but equals out
to once per year (minus one). I was prepared for our most recent move
to Pittsburgh to be the most difficult, being so far away from family
and friends. But God has taught me that no matter where we are in the
world, there are brothers and sisters in Christ. The changeover to
Pittsburgh has been so easy. Joe loves classes, and I love getting to
know the other women and sitting in on a few classes. Transitioning
so quickly and loving where God has us just confirms that we are
where we need to be. As God continues to grow me and stretch me in
ways I never dreamed, I can't be anything but grateful. Yes, often I
think “How long O Lord?” But how does Psalm 13 end? “But
I have trusted in Your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in Your
salvation. I will sing to the LORD, because He has dealt bountifully
with me.” So bountifully.
-Published in the Reformed Presbyterian Witness January 2012
Thursday, 17 May 2012
Allowing Chivalry...
Sometimes, I think in Facebook status form. In seriousness, I word and reword what I plan to post on Facebook (which most of the time never gets posted cause I'm no where near a phone or computer). The other day I was thinking pointedly about how to word one such "post": I fully understand that people are trying to help me at times, but sometimes I feel like shouting "I'm able!" I caught myself as I was thinking this one over and realized what I was doing. I was being ungrateful for help where it probably looks like I need help, and in the instance I was alluding to in that "status" I was not allowing leadership and chivalry to happen. In other words, I was being dismissive instead of submissive.
In that event, I had two bags of books to take back to the library, my own diaper bag flung onto my back messenger bag style, and was carrying Judah like a football down the stairs from our apartment. The normal day, in my opinion. A kind gentleman, seeing this, hurried to grab something of my troubles. Trying to hurry, I just kept saying "Just the door please! Please, just the door!" knowing that once I got outside, I could put Judah down and hold his hand and be okay with the load. At first he didn't understand, making the moment with all the stuff longer and me more frustrated as I again said, "I'm okay! But if you could open the door that would be wonderful!" And as planned, the door opened, Judah was down, and I was on my way with thanks to the gentleman. My first reaction was frustration. I do this kind of stuff everyday. I'm a stay-at-home wife and mother and I just assume it comes with the territory. Another time, I had been getting my keys out of my diaper bag, watching Judah out of the corner of my eye, and balancing a large box of groceries between myself and the door frame. Again, another kind person hurried to help me, and yet my response was "No, please don't move it! If you move it, it will fall!" instead of accepting help. I'm always frustrating when these things happened, wanting to say, "I am able! Leave me be!"
But as I thought on moments like these, I noticed a trend. One that I think super-moms everywhere are probably teaching their daughters: self-reliance. This isn't bad in all cases. We need self-reliance to go off to college, or school in general. To be able to function without constant help and supervision. But in my case, and maybe the case of many out there, I'm purposefully refusing to be called weak. I am relying on self, and not God. On self, and not the help that He provides for me. I then took it a step further in my thoughts. In both instances, I was refusing help from men as if to say "Just because I'm a woman doesn't make me disabled." As I'm teaching Judah to help elderly friends, be gentle with other children (babies especially), and to show other adults the respect they are due. As I'm training him to (Lord willing) be a godly man who is chivalrous in holding doors for women and being helpful, I see that it's most likely one day that a woman (maybe even his wife) will refuse help because she doesn't want to be considered weak. Once is fine, that a young man can brush off as someone having a bad day. But if every woman he comes in contact with has the same "superwoman" complex, what is that teaching the child who I desire to be a leader in his family? Nothing other than women don't need my help. So why offer it.
I know this may sound harsh, and I don't mean it to be! But I do worry about women in today's society losing their femininity. I'm not saying you can't be a tomboy. I was a tomboy growing up, and I still enjoy getting my hands dirty and doing hard labor when there's work to do. I'm saying that today's women, myself included, are sadly losing the biblical view of being a woman and therefore causing men to lose the way that they are meant to pursue.
To start at the beginning, "God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them" (Genesis 1:27). God didn't create just Adam in His image, Eve was created in God's image as well. Being created in His image, we are called to bring glory to His name no matter what we are doing (1 Corinthians 10:31). Yes, we are to work hard and not be idle, twiddling our fingers and eating bon bons (as a dear friend says) while others labor for us. The Proverbs 31 woman (Proverbs 31:10 to the end of the chapter) is a fine example of what a godly woman looks like. But she doesn't do it all so that people can tell her "Wow! You did all that? YOU are incredible!" She does it because she loves and fears the Lord. Because of this true love and healthy fear, her family flourishes. Her husband can trust her. But note, he doesn't figure she's on her own. As a godly man, also made in the image of God, he as the leader of the family entrusts things to her.
In a normal household, it is hard to do dishes, laundry, clean up, cook, and all those things with a toddler running around. But Joe, the leader of our family and my head, entrusts these things to me while he is away at school. He's not playing either, sitting idly by. He is working for our family to provide means for us. He lovingly, knowing my abilities and not giving me tasks I am completely unable to do, delegated domestic engineering (my favorite terminology for housewife stuff) to me knowing that our home will prosper. He trusts me. And I, being his wife, am called to submit to his leadership. "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." (Ephesians 5:22-24). I've heard this verse taken in a variety of distorted ways, but to quote another friend "She's not called to be your doormat, guys." Think about it ladies. The following verses talk about how husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church, sacrificially. That they are to love their wives as they love their own body, nurturing her and helping her walk in the Way. As husbands strive to do this, to love us like that, shouldn't it be easy to submit? I think submission usually has a negative connotation in today's world, as if your giving up a part of yourself and saying "Fine. Take it." No... that is not how God intended it in a marriage. I give this illustration to many: Joe and I took ballroom dancing lessons way before we were pregnant with Judah. It was a wonderful time to feel elegant and have my husband lead me on the dance floor. But the thing I noticed most of all was the trend in couples that were having a hard time learning the steps. It was beyond "two left feet". The couples having trouble were struggling because the wife was leading when she should be swept off her feet and twirled around the floor. Women who led found themselves frustrated with their husbands and his inabilities to do something, even though she was the one preventing the flow to happen. Even in non-Christian couples, when the wives submitted to their husbands lead danced beautifully around the room and found ease in each new step we learned. For those who wouldn't allow it, you knew it wasn't much different at home than on the dance floor.
So, made in God's image, if we are married, we are called to lovingly and willingly submit to our husbands. The next command is for husbands, but I'll explain my thinking after, "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered" (1 Peter 3:7). That doesn't mean she can't lift a finger, or that she is unable to be entrusted with anything for she is "weak". Note what is said before and after the weaker vessel part: "giving honor to the wife....being heirs TOGETHER of the grace of life..." (emphasis mine). Again, I realize this command is for men, but think on it ladies. We are called, and rightfully so, the weaker vessel. Again, this doesn't mean we are incapable of doing anything. I know a number of women who've given birth naturally, and that is not a sign of weakness. But as the curse from Genesis 3:16, we desire the position of our husband. We desire to be the leader of the family, that we can do something (or everything) better. That we, who no matter how self-acclaim devoid of emotion, are emotional (not always in a bad way), sensitive, soft creatures. Weak, in other words. Men are called to protect and respect us. To love us as Christ loves His church. And if we are attempting to get a roast out of the oven, keep the toddler away, not burn the sauteed veggies, and tell our husbands happily (while inside thinking daggers), "O no, babe, it's okay. You can go lay down," we're lying to ourselves. And simply, we're not allowing our husbands, or the men around us, to do what they are born and called to do: lead. Yes, Eve was made to be Adam's helper. But who probably helped Eve birth Cane, Abel, Seth, and whoever else was born to them? Who built the boat to save his family and the animals God preordained to ride on the Ark? Who was called to be our Redeemer and Savior? All men. Granted, the last one was Christ, who was both God and man, but still.
As men and women, we are called together to work as one body in Christ. Especially in a marriage, but this applies to our relationships all around us too. If we as women are trying to raise our sons to be godly chivalrous men and at the same time are pushing and shoving to show "We can do it ourselves!" What are we doing?
In that event, I had two bags of books to take back to the library, my own diaper bag flung onto my back messenger bag style, and was carrying Judah like a football down the stairs from our apartment. The normal day, in my opinion. A kind gentleman, seeing this, hurried to grab something of my troubles. Trying to hurry, I just kept saying "Just the door please! Please, just the door!" knowing that once I got outside, I could put Judah down and hold his hand and be okay with the load. At first he didn't understand, making the moment with all the stuff longer and me more frustrated as I again said, "I'm okay! But if you could open the door that would be wonderful!" And as planned, the door opened, Judah was down, and I was on my way with thanks to the gentleman. My first reaction was frustration. I do this kind of stuff everyday. I'm a stay-at-home wife and mother and I just assume it comes with the territory. Another time, I had been getting my keys out of my diaper bag, watching Judah out of the corner of my eye, and balancing a large box of groceries between myself and the door frame. Again, another kind person hurried to help me, and yet my response was "No, please don't move it! If you move it, it will fall!" instead of accepting help. I'm always frustrating when these things happened, wanting to say, "I am able! Leave me be!"
But as I thought on moments like these, I noticed a trend. One that I think super-moms everywhere are probably teaching their daughters: self-reliance. This isn't bad in all cases. We need self-reliance to go off to college, or school in general. To be able to function without constant help and supervision. But in my case, and maybe the case of many out there, I'm purposefully refusing to be called weak. I am relying on self, and not God. On self, and not the help that He provides for me. I then took it a step further in my thoughts. In both instances, I was refusing help from men as if to say "Just because I'm a woman doesn't make me disabled." As I'm teaching Judah to help elderly friends, be gentle with other children (babies especially), and to show other adults the respect they are due. As I'm training him to (Lord willing) be a godly man who is chivalrous in holding doors for women and being helpful, I see that it's most likely one day that a woman (maybe even his wife) will refuse help because she doesn't want to be considered weak. Once is fine, that a young man can brush off as someone having a bad day. But if every woman he comes in contact with has the same "superwoman" complex, what is that teaching the child who I desire to be a leader in his family? Nothing other than women don't need my help. So why offer it.
I know this may sound harsh, and I don't mean it to be! But I do worry about women in today's society losing their femininity. I'm not saying you can't be a tomboy. I was a tomboy growing up, and I still enjoy getting my hands dirty and doing hard labor when there's work to do. I'm saying that today's women, myself included, are sadly losing the biblical view of being a woman and therefore causing men to lose the way that they are meant to pursue.
To start at the beginning, "God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them" (Genesis 1:27). God didn't create just Adam in His image, Eve was created in God's image as well. Being created in His image, we are called to bring glory to His name no matter what we are doing (1 Corinthians 10:31). Yes, we are to work hard and not be idle, twiddling our fingers and eating bon bons (as a dear friend says) while others labor for us. The Proverbs 31 woman (Proverbs 31:10 to the end of the chapter) is a fine example of what a godly woman looks like. But she doesn't do it all so that people can tell her "Wow! You did all that? YOU are incredible!" She does it because she loves and fears the Lord. Because of this true love and healthy fear, her family flourishes. Her husband can trust her. But note, he doesn't figure she's on her own. As a godly man, also made in the image of God, he as the leader of the family entrusts things to her.
In a normal household, it is hard to do dishes, laundry, clean up, cook, and all those things with a toddler running around. But Joe, the leader of our family and my head, entrusts these things to me while he is away at school. He's not playing either, sitting idly by. He is working for our family to provide means for us. He lovingly, knowing my abilities and not giving me tasks I am completely unable to do, delegated domestic engineering (my favorite terminology for housewife stuff) to me knowing that our home will prosper. He trusts me. And I, being his wife, am called to submit to his leadership. "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." (Ephesians 5:22-24). I've heard this verse taken in a variety of distorted ways, but to quote another friend "She's not called to be your doormat, guys." Think about it ladies. The following verses talk about how husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church, sacrificially. That they are to love their wives as they love their own body, nurturing her and helping her walk in the Way. As husbands strive to do this, to love us like that, shouldn't it be easy to submit? I think submission usually has a negative connotation in today's world, as if your giving up a part of yourself and saying "Fine. Take it." No... that is not how God intended it in a marriage. I give this illustration to many: Joe and I took ballroom dancing lessons way before we were pregnant with Judah. It was a wonderful time to feel elegant and have my husband lead me on the dance floor. But the thing I noticed most of all was the trend in couples that were having a hard time learning the steps. It was beyond "two left feet". The couples having trouble were struggling because the wife was leading when she should be swept off her feet and twirled around the floor. Women who led found themselves frustrated with their husbands and his inabilities to do something, even though she was the one preventing the flow to happen. Even in non-Christian couples, when the wives submitted to their husbands lead danced beautifully around the room and found ease in each new step we learned. For those who wouldn't allow it, you knew it wasn't much different at home than on the dance floor.
So, made in God's image, if we are married, we are called to lovingly and willingly submit to our husbands. The next command is for husbands, but I'll explain my thinking after, "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered" (1 Peter 3:7). That doesn't mean she can't lift a finger, or that she is unable to be entrusted with anything for she is "weak". Note what is said before and after the weaker vessel part: "giving honor to the wife....being heirs TOGETHER of the grace of life..." (emphasis mine). Again, I realize this command is for men, but think on it ladies. We are called, and rightfully so, the weaker vessel. Again, this doesn't mean we are incapable of doing anything. I know a number of women who've given birth naturally, and that is not a sign of weakness. But as the curse from Genesis 3:16, we desire the position of our husband. We desire to be the leader of the family, that we can do something (or everything) better. That we, who no matter how self-acclaim devoid of emotion, are emotional (not always in a bad way), sensitive, soft creatures. Weak, in other words. Men are called to protect and respect us. To love us as Christ loves His church. And if we are attempting to get a roast out of the oven, keep the toddler away, not burn the sauteed veggies, and tell our husbands happily (while inside thinking daggers), "O no, babe, it's okay. You can go lay down," we're lying to ourselves. And simply, we're not allowing our husbands, or the men around us, to do what they are born and called to do: lead. Yes, Eve was made to be Adam's helper. But who probably helped Eve birth Cane, Abel, Seth, and whoever else was born to them? Who built the boat to save his family and the animals God preordained to ride on the Ark? Who was called to be our Redeemer and Savior? All men. Granted, the last one was Christ, who was both God and man, but still.
As men and women, we are called together to work as one body in Christ. Especially in a marriage, but this applies to our relationships all around us too. If we as women are trying to raise our sons to be godly chivalrous men and at the same time are pushing and shoving to show "We can do it ourselves!" What are we doing?
Saturday, 12 May 2012
We Shall Be Free
Most people who know me know I really like Garth Brooks' music. So much so that within our first year of marriage, Joe got us tickets to Brooks' first concert back from "retirement" (that which was supposed to be a 1 time concert and turned into a 9 night concert special). It was wonderful. He sang all of his old hits, and I could easily sing along. And considering he only sung 1 song from his newest album, I could sing that too because I heard it enough on the radio. I was pretty ecstatic.
I got back into a Garth kick lately, listening to his "The Hits" album, when I heard his song "We Shall Be Free". It's a good upbeat song talking about the things we need to overcome as a society in order to truly be 'free': hunger, selfishness, poverty, homelessness, prejudice, etc. All of which I agree that we as a society we need to rid ourselves of and help those around us. But I couldn't help disagree when it got to the middle. "When this world's big enough for all different views...When we all can worship from our own kind of pew". Many country singers sing songs of sitting in the pew and having the preacher preach to their heart. Up until really listening to this song, I had thought (from some of his other works) that Brooks thought the same. But the view of that "any religion is okay" is dangerous thinking. "Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves" (Mt. 7:15). They lead you away and entice you. If you are in Christ, or say you are, then you should be holding to the one truth. "I am THE truth, THE way, THE life. NO ONE comes to the Father except through ME" (John 14:6, emphasis mine). I hold to the scriptures as truth because "All scripture is God breathed" (1 Tim 3:16, another version clarifies: All scripture is given by inspiration of God) and without God's holy and inerrant Word, all we like sheep would just continue to go astray without a loving but firm Shepherd to ransom back our lives and bring us into His refuge. "All we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, every one, to his own way; And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all" (Isaiah 53:6). He laid upon Christ MY (your, mine, our) sins. "The wages of sin is death..." (Romans 6:23) and He laid our sentence upon His Son. "... but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 6:23). How incredible is that? God ransomed us from death and in Christ gives us eternal life, eternal love, eternal bliss with Him.
I don't want Garth's kind of freedom. It sounds wonderful- no hunger, no poverty, no prejudice, etc. But it lacks the one thing that makes these things possible. That we are all working toward. Eternal hope. For if we are working toward a "free world", but we struggle and we fail at times, why would we plod on? Because we have the eternal hope that because of Christ we can be reunited with the Father, who says that He will dwell with us (again!) and He will be our God and we His people. That He will wipe away every tear, and that there will be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying, nor pain (Rev. 21). In this life, if that's not something to look forward to, I don't know what is... Only then, when I am with the Father, will I truly be free.
I got back into a Garth kick lately, listening to his "The Hits" album, when I heard his song "We Shall Be Free". It's a good upbeat song talking about the things we need to overcome as a society in order to truly be 'free': hunger, selfishness, poverty, homelessness, prejudice, etc. All of which I agree that we as a society we need to rid ourselves of and help those around us. But I couldn't help disagree when it got to the middle. "When this world's big enough for all different views...When we all can worship from our own kind of pew". Many country singers sing songs of sitting in the pew and having the preacher preach to their heart. Up until really listening to this song, I had thought (from some of his other works) that Brooks thought the same. But the view of that "any religion is okay" is dangerous thinking. "Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves" (Mt. 7:15). They lead you away and entice you. If you are in Christ, or say you are, then you should be holding to the one truth. "I am THE truth, THE way, THE life. NO ONE comes to the Father except through ME" (John 14:6, emphasis mine). I hold to the scriptures as truth because "All scripture is God breathed" (1 Tim 3:16, another version clarifies: All scripture is given by inspiration of God) and without God's holy and inerrant Word, all we like sheep would just continue to go astray without a loving but firm Shepherd to ransom back our lives and bring us into His refuge. "All we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, every one, to his own way; And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all" (Isaiah 53:6). He laid upon Christ MY (your, mine, our) sins. "The wages of sin is death..." (Romans 6:23) and He laid our sentence upon His Son. "... but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 6:23). How incredible is that? God ransomed us from death and in Christ gives us eternal life, eternal love, eternal bliss with Him.
I don't want Garth's kind of freedom. It sounds wonderful- no hunger, no poverty, no prejudice, etc. But it lacks the one thing that makes these things possible. That we are all working toward. Eternal hope. For if we are working toward a "free world", but we struggle and we fail at times, why would we plod on? Because we have the eternal hope that because of Christ we can be reunited with the Father, who says that He will dwell with us (again!) and He will be our God and we His people. That He will wipe away every tear, and that there will be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying, nor pain (Rev. 21). In this life, if that's not something to look forward to, I don't know what is... Only then, when I am with the Father, will I truly be free.
Going to Seminary (A Year's Perspective)
Joe had told me he wanted to be a pastor when we were dating. I knew being a pastor's wife was going to be my full time job, besides being a wife and mother. Before coming to Pittsburgh, I was prepared on many levels for the challenges our little family would possibly face. I was mentored by a dear friend who had went through it a while back. I was given loving advice from another dear friend who was going through it at that moment (she warned me not to move a person's lawn chair from the street during snow season- it's a parking reservation of sorts). I had an idea of where we'd be living and what I needed to pare down on. I knew we'd be changing insurance and had started the process prior to moving. I was relatively prepared for the transition our family would make coming here.
That said, here are the top 10 things I'd recommend for families before coming to Pittsburgh for seminary:
1. Own a GPS, have Google Maps on your phone, or be willing to always have Google Maps print outs with you. Pittsburgh is a crazy confusing city to drive in. A beautiful city! But moving from the Midwest where most streets are in a grid pattern, Pittsburgh is nuts- like 6 streets at one intersection nuts. You need a working map of where you are going. By God's mercy and providence, Joe was working for Garmin International before we left, and so we had a Garmin GPS. But not all have that blessing. Just be prepared with a map of any kind!
2. Always have quarters on you for parking. Again, it wasn't something that was necessary in the Midwest. I think the only time Joe and I paid for parking was when we went downtown to a concert and wanted safe surveillance garage parking. But in Pittsburgh, you will most likely have a rough time finding free parking. So it's always helpful to have quarters on you (because the meters don't take anything but...).
3. Pare down. Whether you live in seminary housing (which is lovely and I highly recommend it!) or in your own place, you know it's easier to move when you've gotten rid of stuff. Also, majority of the places I've seen in Pittsburgh are somewhat small (its a big city with a lot of people, but not spread out. You have house on top of house on top of house) so being prepared before you even have to move your stuff is very helpful.
4. Get acquainted with your budget. Whether you have Quicken, a pencil and paper system, or Mint, its going to be helpful knowing your finances in any stage of life. If you're not being a good steward of the money God has given you, savings (or however you're living during seminary) isn't going to take you very far. But even if you do know your budget backwards and forwards and times are tight, remember that God is in control and He will provide. Whenever I get the least worried about finances, God is gentle to send a reminder in the form of a friend sending a gift card, a family member sending a check, or even income you expect to come in the mail. God is good, and He cares for His sheep.
5. If you decide to get a PA driver's license while here for seminary, know that you'll have to change over the license plate on your car, and it will be a difficult and expensive process unless you have a brand new car. Is KS for state inspection, they'd look at your title with vin # and look at your car's vin #. If it matched, you most likely passed unless your car was absolutely falling apart. In PA, we went through a 3 week process of paperwork, car repairs, and emissions tests (as well as more money than we were expecting to have to pay) on get our car state-approved. Granted, I understand why there are virtually no cars broken-down on the side of the road here. But it still was unexpected.
6. Get involved. For me, transitions are hard because I rarely know anyone other than Joe, and its hard for me to stick my head out of my shell and say "hello". Knowing that, I jumped in with both feet when we got here. If you're coming this coming year, come to our coffee nights and meet new faces. Ladies, attend Seminary Women. It's a WONDERFUL way to meet new people (many of them going through exactly what you're going through) and learn new things. But most of all, find your church family. If you're RP, there are 4 great congregations in the Pittsburgh area (and many more just a little ways outside of Pittsburgh). A church family makes anywhere feel like home because home is heaven, and being with God's people and worshiping and fellowshipping with them is the closest we can get here on earth. Get involved, get in bible studies, surround yourself with God's people and His word, and He will bless you through it.
7. If applicable to your family, pare down to one car. This may not work for everyone. If the wife plans to work while the husband is in seminary and you don't live on campus, or whatever your reasons may be, don't sweat it. But know that gas prices here are much higher than the Midwest. Add in the cost of parking, the wear-and-tear this city has on your car (our car has horrible gas mileage here), and the constant traffic you'll sit in burning gas (seriously... there isn't a time of a day that there isn't traffic here)... Needless to say, it adds up quickly. If the hubby is going to school full-time, talk seriously together about the possibility of selling a car before you leave. We did. I truthfully couldn't imagine our family without two cars, but now I can't fathom why we'd want another.
8. For women- take time with your pastor's wife before you leave (if you aren't already doing that). Men, if you aren't already being mentored by your pastor, take advantage. God has blessed these two people with a world of knowledge that will bless YOU amazingly even before you leave. From having a ministry, to seminary living, to having the pastor's family fishbowl around you, get to know them and learn from them before you leave.
9. Know that besides the park, there are hardly any free places to go in Pittsburgh. That said, as soon as you're here, check out this site: http://www.livingpittsburgh.com/. It is a great resource for finding cheap or free things to do in Pittsburgh. I'm still learning more from friends who've lived here all their lives, but it's rough coming from a place where all the museums are free to a place where most things are a minimum of $10 per person (even for my 2 year old). If you have a family, and you can swing it, I'd really recommend researching and investing in one membership. Whether to the Zoo (which is a wonderful zoo!), Children's Museum, Carnegie Museums, etc., a membership will give you the ability to get out and about and not feel stuck in your budget.
10. It's a city. I know that sounds obvious, but a lot of implications come with that. You could drive 30 minutes out and finally be in the suburbs, but otherwise you're in a bustling fast moving city. There are buses running outside our window 24/7, we live in an area that sees a lot of tragedy due to crime, people are in a hurry and honk at you if you're going the speed limit. For a Midwest girl that still kind of dreams of living on a ranch, it's a big change. Life is more expensive in a city. Many things are different living in a city than living in the suburbs (as I've done up until now). But also know, that living in a city gives you opportunities to minister that you'd never have elsewhere. Think about it. The population of Pittsburgh is 311,647 people. How many are unsaved, lonely, and starving for the fellowship that can be found in Christ's believers? How many around us are just trying to get by and saying that's good enough? Living in a city allows you to reach out in a way that you may have never had the chance to do before. Take advantage of it.
Well... that's my rant after a year in seminary. God has blessed me so much with the people around us here. If you have the blessing of coming and joining us here, we can't wait to meet you and help you find your way around this confusing city.
For more on my first year in Pittsburgh, check out these other posts:
http://mybeautifulinheritance.blogspot.com/2011/08/5-things.html
http://mybeautifulinheritance.blogspot.com/2011/09/burghonthecheap
That said, here are the top 10 things I'd recommend for families before coming to Pittsburgh for seminary:
1. Own a GPS, have Google Maps on your phone, or be willing to always have Google Maps print outs with you. Pittsburgh is a crazy confusing city to drive in. A beautiful city! But moving from the Midwest where most streets are in a grid pattern, Pittsburgh is nuts- like 6 streets at one intersection nuts. You need a working map of where you are going. By God's mercy and providence, Joe was working for Garmin International before we left, and so we had a Garmin GPS. But not all have that blessing. Just be prepared with a map of any kind!
2. Always have quarters on you for parking. Again, it wasn't something that was necessary in the Midwest. I think the only time Joe and I paid for parking was when we went downtown to a concert and wanted safe surveillance garage parking. But in Pittsburgh, you will most likely have a rough time finding free parking. So it's always helpful to have quarters on you (because the meters don't take anything but...).
3. Pare down. Whether you live in seminary housing (which is lovely and I highly recommend it!) or in your own place, you know it's easier to move when you've gotten rid of stuff. Also, majority of the places I've seen in Pittsburgh are somewhat small (its a big city with a lot of people, but not spread out. You have house on top of house on top of house) so being prepared before you even have to move your stuff is very helpful.
4. Get acquainted with your budget. Whether you have Quicken, a pencil and paper system, or Mint, its going to be helpful knowing your finances in any stage of life. If you're not being a good steward of the money God has given you, savings (or however you're living during seminary) isn't going to take you very far. But even if you do know your budget backwards and forwards and times are tight, remember that God is in control and He will provide. Whenever I get the least worried about finances, God is gentle to send a reminder in the form of a friend sending a gift card, a family member sending a check, or even income you expect to come in the mail. God is good, and He cares for His sheep.
5. If you decide to get a PA driver's license while here for seminary, know that you'll have to change over the license plate on your car, and it will be a difficult and expensive process unless you have a brand new car. Is KS for state inspection, they'd look at your title with vin # and look at your car's vin #. If it matched, you most likely passed unless your car was absolutely falling apart. In PA, we went through a 3 week process of paperwork, car repairs, and emissions tests (as well as more money than we were expecting to have to pay) on get our car state-approved. Granted, I understand why there are virtually no cars broken-down on the side of the road here. But it still was unexpected.
6. Get involved. For me, transitions are hard because I rarely know anyone other than Joe, and its hard for me to stick my head out of my shell and say "hello". Knowing that, I jumped in with both feet when we got here. If you're coming this coming year, come to our coffee nights and meet new faces. Ladies, attend Seminary Women. It's a WONDERFUL way to meet new people (many of them going through exactly what you're going through) and learn new things. But most of all, find your church family. If you're RP, there are 4 great congregations in the Pittsburgh area (and many more just a little ways outside of Pittsburgh). A church family makes anywhere feel like home because home is heaven, and being with God's people and worshiping and fellowshipping with them is the closest we can get here on earth. Get involved, get in bible studies, surround yourself with God's people and His word, and He will bless you through it.
7. If applicable to your family, pare down to one car. This may not work for everyone. If the wife plans to work while the husband is in seminary and you don't live on campus, or whatever your reasons may be, don't sweat it. But know that gas prices here are much higher than the Midwest. Add in the cost of parking, the wear-and-tear this city has on your car (our car has horrible gas mileage here), and the constant traffic you'll sit in burning gas (seriously... there isn't a time of a day that there isn't traffic here)... Needless to say, it adds up quickly. If the hubby is going to school full-time, talk seriously together about the possibility of selling a car before you leave. We did. I truthfully couldn't imagine our family without two cars, but now I can't fathom why we'd want another.
8. For women- take time with your pastor's wife before you leave (if you aren't already doing that). Men, if you aren't already being mentored by your pastor, take advantage. God has blessed these two people with a world of knowledge that will bless YOU amazingly even before you leave. From having a ministry, to seminary living, to having the pastor's family fishbowl around you, get to know them and learn from them before you leave.
9. Know that besides the park, there are hardly any free places to go in Pittsburgh. That said, as soon as you're here, check out this site: http://www.livingpittsburgh.com/. It is a great resource for finding cheap or free things to do in Pittsburgh. I'm still learning more from friends who've lived here all their lives, but it's rough coming from a place where all the museums are free to a place where most things are a minimum of $10 per person (even for my 2 year old). If you have a family, and you can swing it, I'd really recommend researching and investing in one membership. Whether to the Zoo (which is a wonderful zoo!), Children's Museum, Carnegie Museums, etc., a membership will give you the ability to get out and about and not feel stuck in your budget.
10. It's a city. I know that sounds obvious, but a lot of implications come with that. You could drive 30 minutes out and finally be in the suburbs, but otherwise you're in a bustling fast moving city. There are buses running outside our window 24/7, we live in an area that sees a lot of tragedy due to crime, people are in a hurry and honk at you if you're going the speed limit. For a Midwest girl that still kind of dreams of living on a ranch, it's a big change. Life is more expensive in a city. Many things are different living in a city than living in the suburbs (as I've done up until now). But also know, that living in a city gives you opportunities to minister that you'd never have elsewhere. Think about it. The population of Pittsburgh is 311,647 people. How many are unsaved, lonely, and starving for the fellowship that can be found in Christ's believers? How many around us are just trying to get by and saying that's good enough? Living in a city allows you to reach out in a way that you may have never had the chance to do before. Take advantage of it.
Well... that's my rant after a year in seminary. God has blessed me so much with the people around us here. If you have the blessing of coming and joining us here, we can't wait to meet you and help you find your way around this confusing city.
For more on my first year in Pittsburgh, check out these other posts:
http://mybeautifulinheritance.blogspot.com/2011/08/5-things.html
http://mybeautifulinheritance.blogspot.com/2011/09/burghonthecheap
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